


Pull You Through

by ShesJustLikeAMaze



Series: Pull You Through [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 07:46:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14492196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShesJustLikeAMaze/pseuds/ShesJustLikeAMaze
Summary: Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir's journey through the complications of life and being in love. A really long one shot with different timelines and perspectives.





	Pull You Through

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoy this piece of work I wrote while awaiting my invite. I almost didn't post it. All comments, Kudos and writing tips appreciated.

Pull You Through

 

Pyeongchang 2018- February- Scott

 

I looked over at Tessa standing on the podium beside me laughing and crying at the same time, completely overwhelmed with disbelief. It took everything I had to keep my composure. I felt the same dizzy feeling as I did in 2010, except this time it was different. This time it was on our terms, it was because we wanted to skate with each other, for each other. It was because I didn’t want to lose her. To give me more time to figure out these feelings that had been beating my heart like a quiet drum. I’m in love with Tessa. My skating partner, my childhood friend, my partner in crime. If I have learnt anything from our twenty year partnership, it is that a love like this is something you work at. Something I didn’t know I was working at until I felt the sickening realization that I couldn’t live without her. Being an Olympic champion is an incredible feeling but it’s one that is short lived. Being the person who helped Tessa feel this much joy is a high I’ll never come down from.

 

“We did it, T!” I said, holding her hand tightly in mine.

“I love you.” She said between silent sobs.

“I love you more.” I smiled, massaging her hand with my thumb as our national anthem played.

  
  


Montreal 2017- December- Tessa

 

“The Olympics are only two months away, I know you don’t like it but you two need to start studying press questions. They’re going to ask you questions and you need to know how to answer them. Especially you Scott, don’t put your foot in your mouth. You’re representing Canada.” Jean, our terrifying agent said across her desk.

“Me? No way, I wouldn’t dare.” Scott looked over at me and winked.

“I’m serious Moir,” Jean pushed her glasses up her nose “Have you given any thought to what kind of message you want to send? Your dynamics? Your story?”

“Yeah actually.” Scott said straightening up. I shot him a look. 

 

Scott and I have been in a romantic relationship for two years now. We decided that we wouldn’t have any hopes or expectations. We would continue to put skating first and do pretty much everything we used to do, just less platonic and more exclusive. The one factor that we had both decided on is that it would be kept a secret between the two of us. Scott knows how incredibly private I am and I worry that our relationship would take away from our performance if it became public. We worked way too hard for our dreams and not even love can put a stent in that. We agreed to decide after Pyeongchang where we would take things.

 

“The message I’d like to send is skating.” Scott said. I laughed.

“Can you be serious for two seconds, Scott?” Jean rolled her eyes.

“I am being serious. We are going to Pyeongchang to skate. We have re-created the story of Moulin Rouge on ice. That’s all anyone needs to be focused on.”

“If you want more publicity and sponsors, which i’ll remind you, is what fueled this dream and puts food on your table. I’d suggest you turn on the chemistry....” Scott opened his mouth to interrupt. “Off the ice.”

“We have chemistry, Jean. We always have.” I said.

“Show it, act if you have to.” Jean shuffled papers around on her desk.

“What do you want us to do?” I asked, unsure of how to be anymore forward without confessing my love for my partner on national television.

“Send each other suggestive tweets, touch each other more in interviews, let your eyes linger longer than ‘platonic’ friends. Jeez, I don’t know, get creative.” Jean rolled her eyes. Scott was getting annoyed.

“Make them crave your connection. Give them just enough to pull at strings. You don’t have to lie to them and say something is going on, just tease them.” Jean smirked. Scott and I looked at each other with knowing looks. We have already almost slipped up a few times since we have been dating so while Jean thinks we are ‘putting in on’ for the press, we are actually trying to cool it down.

 

…

 

It was nearly eight o'clock and Scott and I were both exhausted from a long day at the rink. Our program was as clean as we’d ever done it, but it still felt like we needed another year to perfect it. I leaned back into Scott’s chest as we watched crap reality tv cuddled under a blanket on his sofa. We have become really comfortable being together; it is as though we have become an extension of eachother. It has shown in our skating as well. I don’t have to look up to know where Scott is, I never have to worry that he won't be there to catch me. Being with him, really being with him, has made our skating better. I felt Scott’s soft lips on my neck sending chills down my spine. I closed my eyes, tilting my head to allow him more access to my exposed neck as he deepened his kisses. I didn’t think it was possible to feel so at home. Scott wrapped his arms around me pulling me closer to his chest.

“What kind of message are you sending?” Scott said in a squeaky, mocking voice into my ear. I burst into fits of giggles.

“You don’t have to lie to them, just tease them.” I joined in. Mocking Jean. Laughing.

“If only she knew.” Scott chuckled, kissing me on the cheek.

“Hey Scott?” I sat up, swinging my legs over his lap to face him.

“Hmm?” He rested his arms on my legs, looking me in the eyes.

“What if we don’t win?” I asked, biting my lip.

“Then we don’t win.” He said seriously.

“Will you be okay with that?” I asked knowing how competitive Scott is.

“Pyeongchang is going to be a tribute to our twenty years as a team. We don’t need to win, we have already won. I have gold right here.” He said squeezing my knee.

“Oh, Scott.” I put my hand on his chest and rested my forehead against his.

“Oh...you thought I meant you.” Scott made a funny face and pointed to his 2010 gold medal displayed on the mantel. “I meant her.” I chuckled swatting his shoulder.

“You were almost romantic.” I tried to scowl through my smile.

“I love that you put up with me.” He said running his hand along my collarbone.

“I’ll get you back.” I whispered seductively, dragging my nails along his tummy. His muscles contracted under my touch, driving him crazy.

 

Pyeongchang 2018- February- Scott

 

It has been a few days since we won gold and between the hundreds of interviews, press, and gala’s Tess and I have yet to be able to celebrate alone, if you know what I mean...Tonight in the Canada House, Tessa and I were asked to introduce a Canadian band called the ‘Arkells’. We are both really looking forward to finally taking the opportunity to let loose and have fun with the rest of team Canada. Andrew and I are headed to Tessa and Kaitlyn’s room to spend some down time with the girls before the party. Andrew and Kaitlyn are a couple on and off ice. They had been mine and Tessa’s friends for years, skating with us in ‘Stars On Ice’ and competing alongside us, representing Canada. When we approached the girl’s hotel room on the sixth floor we were surprised to hear panic and sobbing on the other side of the door.

“Kait?” Andrew called pounding on the door.

“Just a minute.” Kaitlyn called, footsteps shuffling around on the other side.

“Is everything alright?” I asked, looking over at Andrew who looked equally worried.

“She’s fine.” Kaitlyn called. Tessa! I felt my face go white and as soon as Kaitlyn unlatched the door I pushed my way past her into the hotel room.

“Tessa?” I couldn’t see her.

“Scott.” Tessa’s voice was coming from the bathroom. I pushed open the door and Tessa was crumpled into a ball on the floor in front of the toilet. I knelt down beside her brushing her hair out of her face. Her makeup was smudged from her tears and her pale skin looked impossibly white.

“What’s wrong?” I whispered, brushing her tears off her cheek.

“I just got sick.” She said, but was looking up at Kaitlyn who was standing in the doorway.

“Food poisoning.” Kaitlyn agreed.

“What did you eat?” I asked. Rubbing small circles on her back.

“I had chicken at lunch.” She said trying to catch her breath.

“Shit T. Are you going to be okay? We can just have a quiet night in.” I said.

“No, I’m fine! I just need to clean myself up.” She smiled. But when I wrapped my arms around her she began to cry. I was really confused why she was so upset.

 

Tessa took some time to clean herself up while Andrew, Kaitlyn and I played a card game on the two queen beds. Kaitlyn didn’t care to explain why Tess was so upset but I also didn’t push. I know that the past few days have been a rollercoaster of emotions for all of us so if getting sick made Tessa upset, then I could understand that. Eventually Tessa emerged out of the bathroom looking like she had never been ill. She fixed her makeup and freshly curled her hair. She pulled on black jeans and a dark sweater that contrasts well with her red Olympic jacket. Even in comfy clothes, Tessa looks stunning. I know full well that Andrew and Kaitlyn are watching me stare at her, but they must have some idea how I feel about Tessa. According to instagram, the entire world has an idea. Tessa clears her throat nervously and brushed her hands over the non-existent wrinkles she was trying to smooth out of the front of her sweater.

“Ready?” She asked. “I’m suddenly feeling really hungry.”

“You sure you feel okay?” I confirmed, but I also feel really hungry.

“Yeah, I think I got it all out. I feel fine.” She smiled. Kaitlyn looked nervously at her, she’s a really good friend.

 

…

 

Tessa was right. Once we had sat down to eat she was full of energy and ravenous. It was so nice sitting in good company for a proper meal and any evidence of earlier incidence had disappeared. We talked about training, coaches, and ice time. Everything you’d expect from a group of people who dedicated their lives to their sport. I tried to order a bottle of champagne to toast but Kaitlyn and Tessa decided they didn’t want to start drinking too early. Andrew and I settled for a pint each. 

“So Scott, what’s next for you?” Kaitlyn asked, stuffing a piece of bread into her mouth.

“I have yet to figure that one out.” I said lifting my beer to my lips, “Please don’t tell me you have your life planned out.” I joked.

“Not the whole thing.” Kaitlyn laughed, “I think this is going to be our last Olympics though.”

“Yeah, I can relate to that.” I nodded. “It’s funny to think about being retired at the ripe age of 30, eh?”

“When one door closes, another opens.” Kaitlyn smiled. “I think we’re going to try for a baby.”

I coughed almost spitting out my beer. I looked over at Andrew expecting him to be as surprised as I am but he wasn’t. It’s as though they have already discussed starting a family...which after thinking about it, doesn’t seem too odd for people who have been together for years. 

“Do you want kids?” Andrew asked.

“Oh yeah!” I rubbed my chin, “Just imagine a bunch of mini-me’s hanging around the rink.”

“That sounds terrible!” Andrew groaned. We all laughed. “How about you Tess?”

“Yeah, I think so.” She said looking across the table at me. This is something we had never actually discussed in the twenty years together. 

“Oh! Look at the time, do you think we should settle up?” Kaitlyn squeaked.

“Shit! Yes! Tess and I need to introduce the Arkells.” I looked over at Tessa who gets anxious when she’s late. She didn’t seem too bothered, enjoying her time with our friends.

  
  


Pyeongchang 2018- February- Tessa

 

Scott had started off the night with a typical clumsy moment which was both hilarious, and adorable. When handing the mic over to Max, of the Arkells, he accidentally let go spilling his beer all over him. Max handled the incident really well, laughing it off like a true Canadian. We danced and sang all night with the rest of the Canadian athletes. Scott held me around the waist, drunk as sailor and whispered “Just you wait, babe.” I assumed that he wanted to take me back to his room, which I was dubious about. It was highly unlikely with the pace that Scott has been drinking that he’ll be able to put himself to bed. I leaned into him and discreetly planted a kiss on his cheek. Suddenly Max stopped singing and looked out through the crowd.

“Where is Tessa Virtue? I need my back-up dancer.” He said smiling. I looked at Scott horrified who was smiling like a kid on Christmas.

“She’s here!” He slurred.

“Tessa! Come on up!” He said walking through the crowd to meet me.

“You’re dead Moir!” I laughed, letting Max grab my hand leading me back to the stage.

 

I laughed and danced with Max and the other Arkells when they started playing ‘You Make My Dreams’ by my favorite band Hall & Oates. The other Canadian’s sang along creating such a wonderful vibe, I was beaming. Max put his arm around me leaning in close. I leaned away from him but continued to dance. After the final chorus Max grabbed my hand and lifted it in the air twirling me around.

 

“Meet me later.” he said covering the mic with his hand. I just smiled politely.

“Tessa Virtue everyone!” He said giving me one final hug before helping me off the stage. Everyone cheered loudly patting me on the back. I returned to Scott’s side who now had a beer in each hand. He jumped up and down drunk and excited. I love him so much.

 

“You looked incredible, T.” He said, handing me a beer.

“Oh, did you get this for me?” I asked smiling at him.

“Of course I did, anything for the girl of the hour.” He fluttered his full lashes at me.

“Thank-you Scotty.” I licked my lips knowing it would drive him wild.

“Damn Tessa, you make my dreams come true.” He said in a low groan into my ear.

“Hey Chiddy!” I said as I saw Patrick Chan approaching from over Scott’s shoulder, quieting Scott’s advances.

“Tessa! You looked awesome up there.” He said, buzzed.

“Thanks.” Scott turned to his friend and enveloped him in a big hug. I raised my eyebrows and smiled to Patrick as he mouthed, ‘don’t you dare leave’ over Scott’s shoulder.

 

I winked back to Patrick and made my way through the crowd looking for someone else I knew. I waved to Meaghan who was sitting high up on Eric’s shoulders. She waved back, her eyes half closed from intoxication. She’s such a tiny lady, one pint probably did her in. Eventually I found Kaitlyn and Andrew who were getting handsy near the stage. They were celebrating with the women's hockey team. Gabby and Keegan were there too, singing to the DJ’s track now that the Arkell’s have finished their set. Andrew spotted me first waving like a mad man.

“Tessa! You looked like a goddess on that stage.” Kaitlyn beamed.

“Thanks Kait!” I smiled.

“Ugh, why can’t I be as pretty as you?” She said running her hands through my curls.

“What are you talking about!” I said. “Here drink this!” I handed her the beer Scott gave me.

“Awe, you’re beautiful and kind.” She contorted her face. “I can’t compete with that.”

“Kaitlyn, you’re the most beautiful person I have ever met! Stop being so self-deprecating!” I said sternly, holding my swaying friend.

“I love you, Tessa!” She kissed me on the cheek.

“I love you, too!” I gave her arm a squeeze.

“Tessa!” I spun around to be greeted by Max.

“Hi Max, great show tonight.” I smiled.

“Thank-you, thanks for dancing with me. I must of looked like such a fool beside such a stunning woman like you.” He looked at me through his dark curls that have fallen down his forehead.

“Oh stop.” I said playfully batting his arm.

“Can i buy you a drink?” He asked.

“Oh..uh. I don’t think so.” I said nervously fiddling with the hem of my shirt.

“Come on, just one drink.” He smiled, “It’s taken me so much courage to approach you.”

“That’s so sweet, but I...uh…” I looked around for a way to get out of this.

“Please?” He smiled wrinkling his nose. 

“Okay, but can we please find Scott first? I have to make sure he’s alright.” I said.

“I thought you two were just skating partners.” He said with a jealous tone.

“Max..Scott is really intoxicated right now. I just have to check up on him.” I searched through the sea of red for Scott.

“Okay, okay. Lead the way.” I started walking through the crowd and Max grabbed my hand so he wouldn’t get lost in the sea of people. It felt wrong, completely wrong. His hand is too big and hot. His stride was too long. He wasn’t Scott.

“Chiddy!” I called pulling my hand away from Max’s.

“Hey Tessy.” He said in a drunk stupor.

“Where is Scott?” I asked. Max caught up to me.

“Oh. Uh...There!” Patrick spun around pointing to a door that led into a dining hall.

 

I walked into the large, brightly lit room with Max and Chiddy in tow. Scott was in the corner leaning far back into a chair, passed out. I rushed over to him and his phone was sitting on the table in front of him. I picked it up to put it in my pocket and when I did the screen lit up. It was open to an unsent message to me. ‘ _ Tess u are the wonderfulest, prettiest, coolest woman ever. I am going to buy u a really sparkly ring, maybe even sparklier than ur eye balls. If that’s even possible. Cuz I love you and want to marry your sexy little ass.’  _ I smiled down at his phone for a while. I know that Scott is drunk but the idea of standing in front of him in a white gown is one of fairy tales. I felt a nudge in my side and a very drunk Chiddy was leaning against me for support. It reminded me of the task at hand. I gently pushed Chiddy towards Max who supported him. I kneeled down next to Scott and nudged him. He didn’t wake up.

“Scott.” i said gently into his ear. “It’s time to wake up.”

“Let him be, let him be” Max said, placing his hand on my shoulder. I turned around to face Max and suddenly it seemed like the entire Canadian skating team was there.

“Is he okay Tess?” Keegan asked.

“Look Tessa, he is surrounded by friends. Now let me buy you that drink.” Max smiled.

“I think we should call it a night and get Scott to bed.” Andrew said nodding at me. He knows.

“I’m sorry Max, can we raincheck?” I felt bad but Scott was my priority.

“Yeah. Of course.” Max looked at me and then at Scott, knowing damn well that we weren’t just skating partners.

 

Andrew grabbed one of Scott’s arms and Keegan grabbed the other. I walked behind the guys with Kaitlyn supporting Chiddy. We all walked as a team back to the road and hailed a cab that took us back to the hotel. I paid the driver and we all shuffled to the 6th floor where Kait and I were staying. I swiped my card and let Keegan and Andrew go ahead so they can place Scott onto my bed. Keegan gave me a quick hug and then switched places with me to prop Chiddy up. Andrew let Keegan and Chiddy (who was talking way too loudly) out of the room. By the time Andrew and I remove Scott’s shoes and jacket, Kaitlyn was fast asleep in her queen bed.

“Goodnight Tessa.” Andrew said before climbing into bed with Kaitlyn.

“Night,” I smiled to him from where I was perched next to Scott, “And Andrew…”

“Mmhmm.” he said closing his eyes.

“Please don’t tell anyone until I’ve told Scott.” I said softly.

“Your secret is safe with me, kiddo.” he said before falling asleep.

  
  


London, Ontario- November 2015- Tessa

 

London was covered in a sheet of white snow and people were moving around the streets bundled up and on a mission. Christmas was in exactly one month but the holiday’s were far in the back of my mind. I entered the cafe where I agreed to meet Scott. We finished our tour months ago and although we live twenty minutes away, we haven’t seen each other. I never knew that I could miss someone so much. Everytime someone asked me a question I would say ‘we’ and would turn to look beside me. It was this crippling feeling, like I had lost a limb. When Scott asked me to meet him for coffee, I was honestly shocked. For some reason I had always felt like I was smothering him and he was just too sweet to ask for space. After spending 17 years with someone, things can get complicated. History was a funny thing. Scott and I had always been great friends and we have never dated, but me being a female, and him a male...there was always that tension. He had a few girlfriends growing up and I was always the reason things ended. Scott never told me this directly, but I knew. His girlfriends never tried to get to know me, and when we were in the same building they would never try to talk to me. The first few times it really ate away at me, I felt bad, i wanted to say something…to show them that I wasn’t a threat. At the same time a deep, deep part of me also didn’t want them to be with Scott. I always thought that if i couldn’t have him, nobody could. Now that we were retired I fully expected our friendship to become distant so he could open up that part of his life. He deserved to be with an amazing girl and I have hurt his chances at finding love for far too long. Before we grow apart I owe it to myself to be brave, to ask him to explore the idea of choosing me. Today i’ll ask him, if things go south, I can run home with my tail between my legs and I wont stop him from being with someone else. I pulled off my jacket and hung it over the back of my chair, sitting at a cozy table by the window.

Scott walked through the door and the moment I saw him I felt my heart beat really fast in my chest, I was nervous. Why am I nervous? This is Scott! This is your skating partner, your childhood friend. Get your shit together Tessa. 

 

“Tessa!” Scott hurried over enveloping me in a hug. I felt myself melt into his arms.

“Oh my gosh, Scotty!” I said breathing him in, his hair has grown and it tickled my cheek.

“What the hell have you been up to?” he said releasing me, sitting down at the table.

“Christmas shopping!” I said smiling stupidly, god it was good to see him.

“Did you get anything for me?” He said fluttering his lashes.

“Uh, I’m not telling.” I said, “You’re just going to have to wait and see.”

“T, I really missed you.” He said, looking me in the eyes. I felt butterflies.

“I missed you too.” I started to feel bad for not talking to him more, “I’m sorry I didn’t call.”

“I wanted to give you space, I don’t blame you.” He shrugged.

“No way! I wanted to give you space.” I said. “I was worried I was smothering you.”

“So have we been torturing ourselves, not calling each other because we assumed we needed to give each other space?” Scott furrowed his brow.

“We have learned nothing.” I chuckled, feeling stupid.

“Damn T, after all those psychology appointments and team building workshops you’d think we’d have this communication thing down, eh?” Scott smiled.

“Why do I have to internalize everything.” I shook my head, my dark hair swinging around me.

“So have you been seeing any one?” Scott wiggled his eyebrows, I laughed.

“It’s only been a few months!” I said, but it felt like a lifetime. “But yes. I have.”

“Oh?” I wasn’t sure...but Scott almost looked disappointed. Ugh...yet again with the internalizing.

“Yeah, I see that girl over there. I saw my mom this morning. I saw the mailman yesterday. Oh! I even saw a fluffy looking black dog on my way in here.” I joked. Scott exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“I see you’re still good with the jokes.” He chuckled.

“No, I haven’t been seeing anyone.” I answered honestly, “Have you?”

“No, I haven’t.” He looked around the mostly empty cafe, “I have some unfinished business.”

“Oh?” I leaned in for more details.

“I’m not done yet Tess.” Scott leaned in too.

“Hi, can I get you something?” The server asked, taking my focus away from Scott.

“Yes, I’ll get a hot chocolate and he’ll get a double cappuccino.” I said going into autopilot, blushing once I realized that I had ordered for both of us...like old times.

“You amaze me.” Scott said softly. This made my blush deepen.

“You’re not done yet?” I said, reminding him of our conversation.

“Oh yeah! Tessa...I want to go to Pyeongchang.” Scott said casually.

“Oh.” I said processing, “Pyeongchang, eh?”

“Yes. I want compete again, I want to skate with you again.” Scott reached across the table taking my hand in his.

“But we announced our retirement.” I watched him run his thumb across my wrist.

“So we’ll just have to un-announce it.” He said, I laughed.

“What made you decide this?” I asked.

“To be honest, It became painful being away from you. It felt so wrong. I guess I never got the chance before to show you how much I truly appreciate you. I want to compete at the Olympics one last time but I want to do it a little differently. I want to have fun. I want to live in the moment. I want to fall in love with skating again. I couldn’t imagine cheering on all of our friends and not being there. I want to skate for you Tess.” Scott looked at me with passion.

“I want to skate for you too.” I said feeling elated. Uh oh...here goes nothing.

“We will compete on our terms. We will choose our own music, we will choose our coaches, our rink. We can have fun with this.” He smiled. “The world is our oyster.”

“Scott…” I felt myself rising up. “Can I be honest with you?”

“Oh no...you don’t want to...I never considered that you might not want to.” Scott looked worried.

“No! It’s not that at all. I want to! But if we are going to do things differently...if we are going to really live in the moment, without fear...I want to rewrite the rules.” I smirked, worried that I’d lose courage.

“What are you getting at?” He looked confused, rightfully so.

“I want to date you.” I felt shaky, “We have always left that side of our partnership off the table because we were scared of ruining our connection. I can’t deny that I haven’t been wanting to test these waters for years…” What the fuck, Tessa!!! I felt crazy, but I also felt brave. I searched Scott’s face for some sort of a reaction. 

“Wow Tessa.” He chuckled nervously, “It’s like christmas came early.”

“Is that a yes?” I asked.

“Even after 17 years you know how to surprise me,” Scott smiled, sliding his foot under the table to rest against mine. “I am excited to re-write the rules with you, of course it’s a yes.”

“No hopes or expectations, right?” I said, because I always have to ruin a good moment with logic.

“We are just testing the waters, if it doesn’t work...at least we won't die wondering.” Scott picked my hand up off the table and brought it up to his lips, kissing it gently.

“Here are your drinks.” The barista said placing our mugs in front of us.

“To us!” Scott said raising his mug.

“To us!” I repeated, getting lost in Scott’s deep brown eyes as we toasted to our future together, finally.

  
  


Ilderton Ontario, February 2014- Scott

 

Sochi wasn’t all together a bad experience but I won’t lie, I’m disappointed. I didn’t feel that Marina was in our corner, she was trying to divide her time between us and the americans and so far...Meryl and Charlie took priority. Tess and I took home silver, which isn’t bad at all. Tess and I got to share another Olympic experience together and I truly believe that there is no other person I’d rather stand beside on that podium. We just flew back home and Tessa was overcome with emotions seeing how supportive all our Canadian fans were, even without that gold medal. It was a beautiful reminder that Canadians represent unity, love, and kindness. I went into autopilot through the interviews all while supporting Tessa who appeared to be unable to stand on her own. We were both exhausted. Finally after the excitement died down I was eager to see Cassandra. Cassie and I have been dating for almost a year now and although we rarely get to see each other things are pretty hot and heavy. I grabbed all my bags and finally exited the airport where Cassie said she was waiting in her car. I was a little disappointed that she didn’t come inside to meet me but I know parking isn’t cheap. Rolling my luggage along the arrivals terminal side-walk I finally spotted her Honda. I tossed my bags carelessly into her trunk and slid into the front seat, hugging her over the middle console. She didn’t really hug me back, let alone appear happy to see me...Something was up. I buckled up my seatbelt and she started driving.

“Hi Babe!” I said smiling at her, “I missed you.”

“Hi Scott.” She said without much tone.

“You would never believe how exhausted I am. I feel like we’ve been on the road a decade now.” I chatted lightly.

“Oh yeah?” Cassie said with a bite to her words, “And how’s Tessa? Did you let her get any sleep while away?”

“T is pretty good at sleeping on planes...wait! Why do I get the sense that you aren’t referring to the travel?” I looked over at Cassandra who looked stone cold.

“I saw your skates Scott. I saw your interviews.” Cassie said.

“Jesus, we aren’t seriously going down this road again.” I ran my hand through my hair, knowing no good will come of this.

“Do you even know how humiliated I feel? How hurtful it is to see the entirety of the world gushing over you and some other girl?” Cassie bit her lip.

“How is this my problem? I can’t control what people say about me on social media.” I felt frustrated that she was bringing this up after not seeing her for nearly a month.

“It’s your problem because you completely embrace it. The things you say about Tessa in interviews...The way you look at her. I can’t compete with that Scott.” Cassie began to cry.

“This is completely unfair. We get coached through our interviews..I...We...Fuck it, I don’t need to justify anything to you. If you trusted me, you wouldn’t be fighting me on this. Tessa and I have been partners for 17 years. 17 fucking years Cassie. You keep doing this. You get insecure and immediately you try to shame me into feeling guilty about working with Tessa. You can’t compete with someone who isn’t even part of the damn competition.” I knew I was a bit harsh but I am tired, hungry, and now angry. “Tessa isn’t going anywhere, we still have stars on ice, and I’m sure other future bookings. One of these days you’re going to have to be okay with the fact that she’s part of my life.”

“I don’t think I ever will be.” Cassie sniffled. I turned to look at her, she was focused on the road.

“You haven’t even met her yet.” I said softly.

“I don’t think I can handle seeing her make you smile, in the way only she can.” Cassie said softly.

“Are you listening to yourself right now?” I felt my skin getting hot.

“Do you love her?” She asked. My head was spinning.

“What?” I felt far away.

“Do you love her? Answer the fucking question.” Cassie’s cheeks were wet with tears.

“You know Cassie, I thought I’d come home and you’d be happy to see me. I thought you’d be proud of me. I thought you would have missed me.” I felt my heart sinking in my chest.

“I stopped missing you the moment I doubted you loved me.” Cassie said, it was like a knife through my chest.

“Cass…” I didn’t know what to say...I never was a good liar. I couldn’t deny that I loved Tessa, I still don’t know how I love her but I do. How could you feel indifferent about a person you built your life around?

“I know I told you I’d never make you choose...Well I’m making you choose Scott. It’s me or her.” Cassie pulled up in front of my house. She turned to face me and looked me directly in the eyes. I didn’t even pause before answering.

“I choose Tessa. I will always choose Tessa. Do you know why, Cassie? Because Tessa has never questioned my integrity. She has never tried to make me feel shame because she is fueled by jealousy. She has never made our partnership conditional.” I felt a burning rage deep inside my stomach and I don’t know if it was because I needed to defend myself from Cassie’s ultimatum or if I needed to defend Tessa.

“Scott, get the fuck out of my car.” Cassie sobbed, this was the end.

“I didn’t do this to you, you did this to you.” I said before getting out of her car. Leaning on the frame.

“No! I didn’t. The proof is in the pudding. You were never committed to me. I tried to settle my insecurities for months. I lied to myself and to everyone else around me. I convinced myself that you loved me...That you cared about me. I feel like a prize idiot because every other person on this fucking planet can see that you are madly in love with Tessa. Stop lying to yourself Scott, stop toying with people’s emotions. We are over. I have decided to cut my losses, it’s either now or later down the line when you finally figure out that when you close your eyes you don’t see me...you see her. I need to know Scott...you owe me this...I need to know if it has ever been me. How long have you loved Tessa?” She choked between tears.

“I have loved her since I was 9 years old.” I said before slamming the door.

  
  


Ilderton, Ontario- November 2015- Scott

 

I was working at the rink helping my aunt Carol with a technique clinic she had run for the kids who were just starting lifts. I was surprised how much fun it had been to help young, fresh, innocent faces learn their way around lifting and momentum. The skating moms were losing their shit when I walked onto the ice, I’m willing to bet that they had a little more than just coffee in their mugs. My aunt had some great little skaters out on the ice, yet none of them reminded me of Tess and I. They were much too nice to each other. Carol called a 15 minute break for the kids to grab water and go to the bathroom. I didn’t leave the ice in fear of being bombarded by the mothers. Skating around on the ice didn’t feel right to me, nothing felt right lately. I have been absolutely miserable the past four months. After our ‘Stars On Ice’ tour Tessa and I haven’t talked, I fear that I scared her away...possibly even out of my life. When Cassandra broke up with me last February, Tessa had always been there for me to lean on. She had been the person I shared everything with yet somehow I couldn’t bring myself to tell her the real reason why Cassandra left me. I went through the motions with Tessa for months and finally after our final show in Vancouver I told her. We were out for celebratory drinks with the entire cast in a quaint little bar downtown. Tessa was wearing this sexy backless dress that made my mind fog up. I managed to get her alone. I leaned in close like I had so many times before, placing my hand on her lower back. I told her how intoxicating she was, she giggled and raised her eyebrows at me. We talked close and she leaned against me, fueled by champagne. Tessa kissed the soft skin under my ear tilting her head down letting her nose drag along the side of my neck, her gentle breath warming my skin. I will never forget that feeling. I had was so caught off guard that I started saying a lot, talking quickly. I mentioned something along the lines of  _ “Cassie could never make me feel hot like that, I see what she meant.”  _ This triggered A reaction in Tessa. I couldn’t read her...I couldn’t understand what overanalyzed thoughts were racing through her intoxicated mind. She never mentioned anything about it again but that night was the last time we talked. Now I’m here skating around our childhood rink reaching beside me to grab a hand that isn’t there.

 

“Scott?” My aunt skated up beside me, “Are you alright?”

“Uh..yeah, of course.” I said rubbing the back of my neck.

“Sweetie, you have grown but you still read like a book.” She placed her hand on my shoulder.

“And you still know how to get inside my head.” I forced a laugh.

“Is this about Tessa?” She asked kindly. I couldn’t lie to my aunt.

“I just really miss her.” I sighed.

“Have you not been communicating with her?” Carol asked, “Did something happen?”

“No, nothing happened. I just wanted to give her some space. It’s been four months and she has yet to call. I can’t help but feel that she meant more to me than I did to her...our partnership I mean.” I said, breathing in the cold air.

“Scotty, I have known both you and Tessa your entire lives. You are both ridiculously stubborn. She is probably at home right now wondering why the heck you haven’t called. Don’t let her slip away.” Carol patted my back knowing she was right, typical Moir. 

“What if she doesn’t want to see me?” I felt my insecurities tightening their grip on my stomach.

“That girl was crazy enough about you to stick through 20 years of your bullshit. She’s no quitter.” Carol laughed, skating back towards the boards. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed the number that had been engraved in my mind. Hearing the dial tone was the most anxious I have felt in a long, long time.

“Hello?” Her voice made my chest tighten, it’s so beautiful.

“Uh, Hey Tessa. How are you?” I asked awkwardly.

“Oh! Scott! Hi, um...good. I’m good. How are you?” She sounded flustered. I must have caught her at a bad time.

“I’m alright, Uhm..I can’t chat for long but...uh... I would really like to see you. Will you meet me?” I asked. I was shaking.

“Yes! I’d love to. Give me a time and a place and I’ll be there.”

I finished up my call with Tessa, leaving me feeling elated. Just hearing her voice has made me feel whole again. Her laugh is something I can never get used to. Everytime she erupts with joy it’s like I can see colour for the first time. I turned back to where the kids were coming back to center ice around Carol and I slid on my knees towards them making them laugh. Carol gave me a knowing look. Damn, I’m transparent. 

  
  


Pyeongchang- February 2018- Tessa

 

My god, it has been a crazy few weeks. Scott and I have had the time of our lives in Pyeongchang and I have never felt so grateful. I lived in every moment and soaked up the overall magical atmosphere of Pyeongchang. I walked with my country in the closing ceremonies and made sure that Scott was beside me soaking up every minute of it. That was something I wanted to make sure of. Everything was about to change and although I couldn’t help looking forward to the future, I wanted Scott to enjoy his present. He deserves that much. We were all packed up and waiting to board our first plane home. It was a full 24 hour travel day and if we weren’t exhausted now, we were about to be. Scott sat across from me with Chiddy who was teasing him about his drunken, “Canadian moment” at the women’s hockey game. I felt my phone vibrate in my hands and when I looked at it I got a message from Kaitlyn. I looked up at her curiously because she was standing with Meagan only a few meters away. She raised her eyebrows at me signaling for me to read her text.  _ Have you told him yet? _ Was all that it said. I looked from her, to Scott, and then back to her.  _ Not yet.  _ I wrote. Almost immediately she wrote back.  _ Tess, you can’t keep this from him much longer. It’ll be cruel if he had to find out in the wrong way.  _ I sighed. Kaitlyn was always the voice of reason. I think part of the reason why she’s my best friend is because she understands how I operate, therefore knowing the in’s and outs of how I handle complications.  _ I’ll tell him soon! I promise.  _

 

The plane started to board passengers and I was growing nervous. I had to tell Scott. I knew I did but it wasn’t something he’d take lightly. It was something that would change us forever. We went through the familiar process of scanning our tickets and finding our seats, getting comfortable before take off. Scott and I had been put together and a few isles back was Andrew and Kaitlyn. Pretty much an entire section of the plane was full of exhausted Canadian athletes. Scott turned around in his seat and talked to a speed skater in his raspy, tired voice. I smiled to myself thinking,  _ ‘We are not kids anymore’ _ . Finally everyone was boarded and the flight attendants went through their routine of safety procedures. I have been on a plane so often now that I didn’t need to follow along to know exactly what part they were at. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep, procrastinating. My mind drifted away from me. Away to the collected, practical Tessa who was used to planning everything. Ever since I was a little girl, I organized and mapped out my days. I would carry around an agenda and organize my closet, colour coordinating my practice outfits. Blue’s were for mondays, purples were for tuesdays, yellow for wednesdays, green for thursdays, and red for fridays. As I grew older my schedule got busier, with elite competitions in mind I planned and prepared even more. Every minute of everyday had been scheduled. Sometimes when I was really busy I’d even schedule bathroom breaks and meal breaks. It was just something I did. Something I enjoyed. Something logical. Everything I thought I knew was about to change. No matter how well I organized and planned my life, it decided to bite me in the ass. I could never just catch a break. Life had to rip the control straight out of my hands and make things messy and complicated. Usually when things went south I was able to fix it...or at least conceal it. This time was different. This time my problem was Scott’s problem and I couldn’t put the pieces back together. Things were about to get very unpredictable and that scared the shit out of me.

 

I woke with a start when there was a bit of turbulence, as a reflex I grabbed Scott’s hand. I had been asleep for nearly four hours. Scott had been watching some sports movie and he pulled out his earbuds to comfort me. The rest of the plane seemed to be asleep or plugged in.

 

“It’s okay honey, it’s just a bit of turbulence.” Scott whispered running his thumb over my hand. He’s never called me honey before. It was so endearing.

“Scott…” I looked up at him. Holding his hand tighter. I was going to tell him...soon.

“Mmhmm.” He looked tired.

“You need to move, I’m going to be sick.” I said holding my stomach with my free hand.

“Oh. Shit!” Scott unbuckled his seatbelt and stood quickly, letting me get up from my seat.

 

I ran down the aisle clutching my stomach where the entity lived inside me. I ran past where Kaitlyn and Andrew were sitting, catching their attention. I ran past the flight attendant who was trying to stop me,  _ ma’am the seat belt sign is on. We are experiencing turbulence. You must return to your seat.  _ If this plane didn’t have four metal walls and over a thousand people, I’d keep running...running from my problems. I finally reached the lavatory where I dropped to my knees and threw up. Tears ran down my cheeks as I heaved. Eventually the sickness stopped and so did the turbulence. The turbulence in the plane i mean. The turbulence in my mind was more present than ever. I gripped the side of the toilet trying to push my exhausted, troubled body to a standing but my hands, wet from wiping my tears, slipped. Instinctively I wrapped my arms in a protective hold around my tummy knowing I was hitting the floor. But I didn’t. Scott’s hands slid under my arms pulling me up. He was always there for me. He turned me around to face him but I didn’t want to meet his eye, he always knew how to read right through me.

 

“What is going on Tess?” He whispered searching for answers.

“Lots.” I sniffled.

“Are you going to let me in on what’s going on?” He asked. Letting me lean on him as he lead me back to our seats. I was trying to figure out what to say. Now isn’t a good time...I don’t know if there ever will be a good time.

“I...uh…” I sat back down in my seat and Scott did the same, turning to face me. We were talking hushed so we didn’t wake any of the other passengers. 

“Tess, I was pretty drunk the other night...but I wasn’t asleep.” Scott rubbed his chin. “How is it that Andrew and Kaitlyn know something I don’t. Doesn’t that go against everything we’ve been working towards? We have built this relationship on trust, understanding, and honesty; what has changed? I don’t know what it is that you’re reluctant to tell me, Tess...but I adore you and nothing will change that.” Scott looked really hurt.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered looking at my lap. I knew I had to tell him before he started doubting me.

“I have been waiting a week for you to tell me what’s going on. I let myself think the worst Tess. I wondered for a bit if you cheated on me, but I rejected that idea pretty quick because you’d never do that to me. I then thought maybe you fell out of love and didn’t want to be with me anymore, but I see the way you look at me...nothing has changed. But what do I know?” He whispered. A tear rolled down my cheek and I looked up into Scott’s deep brown eyes.

“I’m pregnant.” I said, exhaling a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

 

I watched as a total eclipse of emotions passed through Scott’s face. At first it was complete shock. He just stared at me. I could almost see the gears turning in his head as he processed the information. Tears started falling down his cheek as he put together numbers and figures, creating a timeline. He then looked white as a ghost as he opened and closed his mouth unsure of what to say. His breathing got heavier and he broke my eye contact placing his head in his hands, in obvious discomfort.

 

“Please say something.” I said gently, placing my hand on his back, hardly keeping it together.

 

It felt like a life time before Scott finally sat back up to look at me. His eyes were red with tears and his mouth was shaped like an “O”, reminding me of 10 year old Scott who had been dazed and confused after we won our first competition together. I thought he was going to keep me searching forever...which I guess I deserved. My anxiety was through the roof and just when I felt myself slipping out of control Scott launched himself on top of me enveloping me in a hug. We have hugged a million times before in just about every possible context, but this was new. Scott kissed my face over and over until it became comical. The kisses weren’t overly loving or intimate, they weren’t even quite like the cheek kisses after successful skates.  _ It felt like family. _ I cried and laughed at the same time and this time he joined me.

 

“I’m going to be a daddy.” Scott smiled through his tears. Stating loud and proud...for the entire section of our plane to hear.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I was scared. I am scared.” I said, whispering. Hoping he’d follow.

“Oh Tessa, you are so vast and brilliant. You’re going to be a wonderful mother. I think we have proven that we can do anything we set our minds to. Trust the training, eh?” He said touching his forehead to mine.

“I don’t think the same kind of training applies to parenting…” I chuckled softly.

“I guess we’re about to find out.” Scott gave me a small kiss on the nose.

“I love you.” I said snuggling into his side, feeling the weight of the world lift off of my shoulders.

“I love you too. I love you and baby more than you could ever know.” Scott said wrapping his arm around me letting his hand rest on my lower abdomen.

 

Everything was going to be just fine.

London- October 2018- Scott

 

I came home from the hardware store and Tessa has been on her computer with her face scrunched up, heavily pregnant. Tessa made the decision to honor her commitment to ‘Stars On Ice’ even though she was pregnant. She made the decision to keep her pregnancy private from the public, trying to hide the small bump that was forming under her costumes. As a result of our modified lifts and Tessa’s weight gain she’s been under scrutiny on social media from cowardly people hiding behind their screens. Tessa is an incredibly strong person and she endured the shaming until the end. Because we had been on the road for so long it was only natural that preparing for our baby has been left until last minute. Only in July did we finally settle ourselves in London, Ontario. We argued a bit about where we wanted to reside. I wanted her to be close to our families, but she wanted to stay in Montreal. It wasn’t often that I got to be the voice of reason but after trying to convince a stubborn, pregnant Tessa that we needed all the help we could get, she agreed to find a place in London. The pressure of finding an appropriate home was weighing on us and finally in August we purchased our first place together. It was one of those moments that I had dreamed about as long as I could remember. Tessa dancing on our lawn, laughing, arms wrapped around her bump. She was probably the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I let Tessa have creative license with our new space, I was just the person who swung the hammer. Between myself, my brothers, and Tessa’s instruction, we made our house into our home within a month. The last thing I had to do was finish the nursery, something Tessa couldn’t decide on. We chose not to find out the baby's sex and creating a gender neutral room was more challenging than we anticipated. It was important to us to meet our child without preconceived expectations, we wanted to love it no matter what. Finally, a week before Tessa’s due date she has decided on how she wants her baby’s room to look. The crib, dresser, and change table would be dark wood; the walls would be light grey; and everything would be light yellow. I had spent all day yesterday with my dad and uncle at the moir skate shop putting together the babies furniture and now today I had to paint. If I keep to schedule, the baby will have a complete nursery by the weekend. I placed the paint cans on the counter and then went to lay a kiss on Tessa’s shoulder. She had been reading sponsor emails.

 

“What’s wrong T?” I asked, feeling my calloused hands rough against her soft skin.

“Our sponsors aren’t pleased that we’ve been MIA the past four months.” Tessa looked over her shoulder at me.

“What are you thinking?” I asked, already knowing she had a plan.

“I’m thinking it’s time to announce my pregnancy...I know we wanted to keep things private but we can’t afford to lose sponsorship...Not now.” She said looking down at her tummy.

“How would you like to do this?” I asked knowing it was her decision, I am a lot more comfortable with the public than Tessa is.

“Jean suggested we reach out to our sponsors with the information to appease their demands and then hold a press conference so they can all cover the story.” Tessa said.

“Okay, just let me know what I can do.” I said massaging her shoulders.

“Thank-you for being so good about everything. I couldn’t imagine doing this without you.” Tessa smiled her angelic smile. It was the encouragement I needed to ignore the exhaustion and complete the nursery.

 

…

 

It had only been 24 hours since news got out about my pregnancy and it seemed like every Canadian and their dog were tuning in to catch the juicy details of my gestation and relationship with Scott, both that had been kept a secret. I clutched Scott’s arm for support as he helped me walk across the stage to the panel where we were going to face the press. I couldn’t quite find my center of balance with my tummy sticking so far out in front of me. It did not feel awesome knowing that at least a hundred camera’s were capturing my swollen ankles and huge midsection that was bursting out of my yellow maxi dress. Scott a perfect gentleman, made sure I safely made it to my chair. I really do adore him. Once we were seated and the sound guy mic’d us, The host Terry, introduced us and chose the first speaker to ask us a question.

“How are you feeling Tessa?” A lady in a navy blouse asked.

“I feel very pregnant.” Tessa chuckled. “It’s wonderful, I feel so full of love right now. I can not express enough how grateful I feel of embarking on a new adventure with the person who knows me best.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone about the pregnancy?” A man asked.

“Tess and I are very private people and as much as we loved to share our Olympic journey with our fans and with Canada, Tessa’s pregnancy is very personal. Tessa made the decision with the permission from her doctors to honor her commitment to ‘Stars On ice’ as she felt it was important. We were not prepared to endure the unsolicited scrutiny from people who questioned her decision.” Scott said, in a very professional, well spoken manner.

“Have you found out the sex of your baby?” A kind looking, older lady asked.

“No, we decided to keep it a surprise.” I smiled.

“Do you have names picked out?” Someone asked.

“We have chosen Patrick for a boy and Roxanne for a girl.” With that the room erupted in conversation. I smiled at Scott who placed his hand in mine.

“Scott, can you explain the name choices you and Tessa picked out?”

“Yes, we chose the name Patrick after our wonderful friend, and teammate Patrick Chan. We haven’t told him this so I’m sure we will be getting a call from him soon…” Scott and his wonderful humour. “The name Roxanne was a given for us. Although the subject of our program was a little risque, Roxanne gave Tess and I some of our greatest memories. That program changed everything for us, as ice dancers, athletes, partners, lovers. It felt right.” Scott explained.

“This question is for Tessa. Do you hope that your child will share the love of skating with you and Scott?” A man asked.

“I can only hope but I will be happy with...with…” Something was happening. I felt deep pains in my lower tummy and everything seemed to hurt all of a sudden. “Anything that...AHH..Oh Shit!”

 

I stood up from the table and felt warm liquid seep into my shoes. The pain intensified and I clutched my stomach moaning in pain. Scott had a panicked look on his face as he stared at me.

“My water broke!” I said searching the crowd who were now so silent you could hear a pin drop.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” What do we do?” Scott was anything but calm.

 

Within minutes and with the help of a few brave volunteers Scott had the car in gear and we were on our way to the hospital. I was lost in the pain and Scott was gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were turning white. We were so unprepared. We didn’t have a baby bag with us, we didn’t have the carseat...we were definitely starting this whole parenting thing off on the wrong foot. I have felt pain but this was different, it felt so...close. I knew I had to tell my mom what was going on so I fumbled for my phone in my clutch and scrolled for her number between contractions. I waited and waited for her to pick up the phone, finally she did.

“MOM! I’M HAVING THE BABY! IT HURTS SO BAD! I’M SO SORRY IF I EVER CAUSED YOU PAIN! PLEASE….AHHH….BRING…..OH OH OH….PARENTING THINGS.” I screamed into the phone as my thighs, back and lower stomach contracted in painful pulls. I threw my phone down hoping someone was on the other end.

“Parenting things?” Scott asked, his mouth curved into a goofy smile, trying not to laugh.

“Scott, I love you...but shut the fuck up.” I squeezed my eyes shut and gripped at the door.

 

Scott got us to the hospital in record time and rather than fussing with grabbing a wheelchair, he opened the passenger door and lifted me up bridal style. I was worried he wouldn’t be able to carry me, being so large and all but the power of adrenaline was on his side. When he finally put me down once inside the maternity ward I looked at his blue button up and realized that it was soaked. A wave of embarrassment flashed across my face knowing it was the ‘water’ that came from my amniotic sac, the same ‘water’ that had my cute yellow dress ruined. It seemed life forever before I was finally in a hospital bed and preparing for birth. My contractions were closer together and this baby wanted out NOW. Scott changed from his contaminated clothes into ridiculous blue hospital scrubs and a nurse helped me put on a gown. I watched as Scott paced around the hospital room like a trapped tiger. He was going to have to get it together because I couldn’t do this alone. I needed someone to tell me everything is going to be okay.

 

My contractions were now only 5 minutes apart. Our families finally showed up but only Alma, Jordan and my mom came into the room. My mom rushed to my side and grabbed onto my hand, trying to talk me through the pain because Scott was completely useless at this point. He was slumped in a chair next to me balling like a huge baby. Alma, at the sight of Scott also burst into tears and hovered over her son speaking inaudible words of encouragement. Jordan just stood completely shocked at the foot of my bed holding a diaper bag and carseat in her hands. I looked between my mom, Alma, Scott, Jordan and now my nurse who was completely overwhelmed with the kayoss in the room. My contractions were getting closer together and they hurt so bad.

“EVERYONE CALM DOWN!” I screamed. Everyone stopped in their tracks and stared at me. I started speaking in a dangerously low growl i didn’t know I was capable of producing.

“I swear to god...” I could feel sweat dripping down my face.

 

Everyone collected themselves and Scott held my left hand while my mom held my right. Alma stood behind Scott rubbing soothing circles on his back, trying to silently calm him down. Jordan stood next to Alma holding onto her free hand tightly, looking as white as a ghost. It was the picture that spoke a thousand words. The nurse announced that it was time for me to start pushing and the rest of the birthing was a blur of pain, endorphins, and non-synchronized breathing. I shut my eyes tight with the final push and only when I heard Scott let out a gasp and the sweet sound of crying did I open my eyes. The doctor handed a tiny little person off to the nurse and proceeded to finish my birth while I tried to look over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of my baby. Scott started sobbing again when the nurse took our baby out of Scott’s sight to clean and inspect it. She was hardly gone and when she did finally hand the baby to him, announcing that it was a boy, I started to cry. I watched as the love of my life held the other love of my life. My tiny, adorable, pink skinned, dark haired, son. Scott sat on the side of my bed, lowering the tiny human onto my chest. He opened and closed his little fingers against my skin making everything feel so real.

 

“Hello Patrick.” I whispered to my baby. I couldn’t take my eyes away from him.

“This is your mommy Patrick, and I am your daddy. We love you so much already and we can’t wait to watch you grow. I want you to know Patrick, that you couldn’t possibly be more lucky. You have the most wonderful family surrounding you who will love you unconditionally.” Scott said to his son. He then looked up at the strong women surrounding us that were now all in tears and completely breath taken by our new addition. 

“Didn’t T do good ma?” Scott said softly to his mom, reminding me of the 10 year old Scott who was always the first to praise me, or brag about me to everyone and anyone who would listen.

“Yes Scotty, Tessa did an amazing job. I’m so proud of her, I’m proud of you too son.” Alma said through happy tears.

“Welcome to the family Patrick Daniel Moir.” I said kissing the top of my son’s head before the bitter sweet moment of sharing him with the rest of our families.

  
  


London- February 2022- Scott

 

Things have gotten very real the past 4 years since the Olympics where Tessa and I had won gold. Things just happened so fast with Tessa and now that our honeymoon phase is over and a child is involved we seem to be at eachothers throats constantly. Tessa has done quite well for herself. She expanded on the jewelry line she had been working on before the Olympics and was now working on a clothing line. Because Patrick is still so little Tessa has been doing all her business primarily from a home office, occasionally taking trips into Toronto or Montreal for meetings. In a way I almost feel like I have been failing my family, Tessa is the primary breadwinner and with her psychology and business degree her job options are limitless. I, on the other hand have been doing the only thing I know how to. Working at the Moir Skate Shop and coaching ice dancers. My aunt Carol who runs the Ilderton skate club can only afford to pay me for 3 days a week and with how much elites travel, I couldn’t agree to taking on any up and coming skaters...even the ones who offered me more money than I knew what to do with. Declining the hundreds of people who wanted me to coach them really did hurt, it had been my dream to return to the Olympics...if not as a skater, as a coach. I just couldn’t imagine doing it without Tessa, who seems to have lost all passion. I couldn’t imagine leaving her or Patrick behind. Tessa has changed. She hasn’t returned to the ice since Patrick was born, she just jumped right into being a mom and pushed away all reminders of being the most decorated ice dancer of all time. Eventually she had been dropped by all her sponsors as she refused to do anything involving media and she stopped connecting with any of her old skating friends. This Tessa Virtue was not the passionate, driven, intelligent girl I fell in love with. This was a mysterious person and the only thing I had in common with her was that we shared a child. Sometimes when I wake up I’m worried she won't be there, that she has always been a dream. This is the scariest thing for me. I don’t know who I am without Tessa and I feel like I’m grasping at straws waiting for the old Tessa to return. I looked through the rearview mirror at Patrick who was humming along to a play school song, his dark hair still damp from the swimming pool where I took him for weekly swimming lessons. I pulled into the driveway of our home and 3 ½ year old Patrick let himself out of his seat and skipped to the front door to greet his mom who was on her way out.

 

“Hey Patty, did you have a good lesson?” She asked bending to kiss her son’s cheek.

“Yes mommy, I learned kicking.” Patrick smiled.

“Wow, good job!” She high fived him as he darted past her into the house.

“Where are you going?” I asked her glancing at the suitcase she was rolling. This was it.

“Montreal.” She said without further explaining. Her eyes looked tired and heavy.

“Oh...And when were you going to tell me?” I asked, feeling like we have had this discussion a million times before. The one where she just leaves and I wonder if she’s going to come home.

“I already told you Scott, you just never listen.” She said in a clipped tone.

“How long are you gone for? I have work.” I didn’t want her to resent me but this felt so out of the blue.

“Only 2 days.” She shrugged. “Take him to the rink with you, or drop him with Alma.”

“What are you going for?” I didn’t want to harass her but I never felt included in her life.

“A fashion show, I have a few of my designs on the runway.” She said not meeting my eyes.

“Oh. Okay. Also did you manage to do Patrick’s laundry? I didn’t get around to buying him new bedsheets today.” I said hopefully. Patrick is still new to potty training and still has accidents in the night.

“Yes, I did the laundry. All I ever do is laundry. I made dinner too because the kid has to eat Scott.” There was so much hostility in her voice. She was always so angry.

“Thanks.” I said watching her walk past me down the porch to her car. “Oh and Tess!”

“What?” She said spinning on her heel.

“I love you.” I said, meeting her eyes for what seems like the first time.

“Oh..I...yeah me too.” She said, her face softening. She then got into her car and drove away.

 

I went into the house and Patrick had found his dinner that Tessa had set on the table for him. He wasn’t a picky eater at all, scarfing down his veggies and cut up chicken like a wild animal. I sat across from him and ate what had been left for me. Beside my plate Tessa had left an agenda with everything that had to be done while she was in Montreal. It was only two days but there was an overwhelming amount of things that had to be done.

  1. Thursday 10am- 12pm - Patrick’s playschool (Pack a lunch)
  2. Thursday 1pm-2pm - Nap
  3. Thursday 3pm-4pm - Practise words
  4. Thursday 5pm - Dinner at Grandma’s
  5. Thursday 8pm -Bedtime
  6. Friday 8am-9am - skating lesson
  7. Friday 10am-12pm - Park with friend Colton and mom (Her name is Jessica)
  8. Friday 1pm-2pm - Nap
  9. Friday 3pm-4pm - Practise words
  10. Friday 5pm - Dinner (Kraft dinner in pantry)
  11. Friday 8pm -Bedtime (Make sure he has his baths)
  12. Saturday 9am -Mum’s home



 

I really don’t know how Tessa has such a structured time table for our energetic little boy all while working and doing domestic duties. I help out as much as I can but I find that I usually just seem to get in Tessa’s way. Patrick ate what he wanted to and then hopped off his stool marching to the family room where he found his colouring book. I sat alone in the kitchen really letting the depression sink in. This was not the life I imagined. I love the people in my life so much, I just can’t help but feel abandoned. I could feel my eyes well with the familiar tears of worry. After a few deep breaths and taking my mind off of my fractured relationship I washed the dishes and went to join Patrick who was now looking sleepy.

 

…

 

I carried Patrick out of bed at 5am, carrying him down the stairs and buckling him into his seat. This was not an unusual day for us. Like Tessa, Patrick is not a morning person so on days when I worked at the rink early and Tessa was out of town, Patrick would sleep in the car, slowly waking up to the sound of my country music. The drive out to Ilderton was always so quiet at the crack of dawn, I would almost go as far as describing it as peaceful. Once at the rink I unlocked the door, switched on all the lights then carried Patrick out from the car into the cool arena, making his pale, freckled cheeks turn rosey. Still in his spiderman onesie, a now groggy but awake Patrick was sitting next to his dad zipping up his coat and lacing up his adorable, tiny, black skates. Scott’s students, still half asleep themselves greeted them hello as they went into the changerooms. Once Patrick was fully awake Scott strapped a helmet to his head before he let him on the ice. It was a shame Tessa wouldn’t return to the rink because at only 3 years of age, Patrick was in love. As soon as Patrick saw the white ice his green eyes would light up as he awkwardly shuffled onto the ice waiting for Scott to bring him a cone to hold onto while he scoots around the slippery surface, most of the time on his bum. Scott loved bringing Patrick with him to the rink, he got to spend time with his son all while working. Today was no different. Patrick, keeping himself busy, held onto the boards as he worked his way around the rink on his own. Scott taught the junior’s how to gain speed while skating backwards. It wasn’t until 7am that the mom’s started to shuffle in to collect their kids, fussing over a very worn out Patrick who soaked up the attention, sitting on this one mom’s lap. Scott liked all his students and most parents were easy to deal with, but of course there was always that mom who thought their kid was a star and deserved more attention. And...for Scott, there were a few moms who tried to seduce him, which he of course reacted to with repulse. He had the most beautiful woman at home, they should know better. By the time Scott was finished at the rink he had to take Patrick to play school. He forgot about packing him a lunch so he drove him through the McDonald’s drive-thru. Scott hoped Patrick would leave this bit of information out of his stories once Tess was home...but it wasn’t likely. Scott dropped Patrick off at playschool half an hour late and took him home half an hour early, eager to get home to take care of some work. Patrick was really tired and didn’t quite make it to his bed, falling asleep on the couch watching Aladdin. Scott sat at the table working on paper work for the rink, the tough stuff Carol was never very good at. He made a few calls to the parents whose payments were due and re-organized his tax forms. By the time everything seemed to be pieced together he realized that Patrick had been asleep for 2 hours and they were due at Kate’s house for dinner… It was okay that they didn’t work on Patrick’s words, right?

 

Scott pulled up at Tessa’s parents house, Patrick carrying tulips that he had picked from the side of the road (If Tessa found out…). They had already been behind and Scott didn’t feel right coming empty handed. Kate opened the door greeting the boys with enthusiasm. Scott, for the first time in a while felt overcome with the feeling of home. Kate was very hospitable and she reminded him a lot of how Tessa used to be. Patrick bounded around Kate’s tidy home looking for her cat, Wallace. Jim, Tessa’s father held Patrick by the hand and helped him up the stairs to continue his search for their elder tabby cat. I followed Kate into the kitchen and offered to help her cook, she of course turned down my offer and instead poured me a glass of wine. We were silent for a while with nothing but the warm air and savoury smell of sweet potatoes that filled the stillness. I was deep in thought looking at Tessa’s past surrounding me.

 

“Honey, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Kate asked me with her back to me, she didn’t even have to see my face to feel the tension.

“I’m alright.” I said in a strained voice, “Thank-you.”

“I can see right through you. Drink your wine and talk to me.” Kate covered her pot and then sat at the kitchen table across from me, filling her own glass. I glanced towards the stairs that Jim and Patrick climbed just moments earlier.

“Don’t worry about them, dinner will be a while yet and Jim has probably shown Patty his new computer game.” Kate said, reading my mind.

“I’m worried about Tessa.” I said looking into my wine.

“Hmm.” Kate said, “Tell me why.”

“She’s changed. She doesn’t ever seem happy anymore, I don’t seem to make her happy anymore.” I felt my voice shake, “It’s like she doesn’t want anything to do with me...She’s like a baby animal that I’ve stolen from her mother and am keeping in a cage that she can’t get out of. I can’t help but to think she resents me. I can’t help but to think she has fallen out of love with me. I’m sure it’s my insecurities talking but she leaves so often...sometimes without even saying goodbye. I’m losing her Kate. I’m losing her to a better man who can give her the world.” I felt hot tears running down my face. Finally exposing the insecurities that have been crawling to the surface for a while now...and to who? Tessa’s mother.

“Tessa loves you Scott, and she loves Patrick. She’d never abandon you.” Kate said.

“I almost wish she would, because forcing her to stay when she’d rather be anywhere else hurts me more than you could ever imagine.” I downed my wine.

“If you really feel that way. If you’re not willing to fight for the girl who you have loved since you were 9 years old...then let her go.” Kate said, cutting me open.

“I think i’d die.” I wiped a stray tear from my cheek.

“Then remember that you don’t know the whole story. Remember that understanding the root of someone’s insecurities will help you understand their behaviour towards you. Longevity means something Scott, you just need to communicate with her. Let her know that it’s okay.”

“She talks to you, doesn’t she?” I said softly.

“She does. But I wouldn’t betray my own daughters trust.” Kate smiled.

“Just tell me one thing Kate, please.” I felt myself shaking, not really wanting to know the answer.

“Go on.” She prompted.

“Is Tessa hiding something from me?” I asked.

“Not that I’m aware of.” Kate looked into my eyes, her expression darkened but I believed her, “Now pull it together and call the boys to wash up, dinner is ready.”

 

…

 

February 2022- Montreal- Tessa

 

I had a very busy day once I arrived in Montreal. I went to my hair stylist who had an incredibly short time to make me look presentable. She worked in record time at the same time as my make-up artist who complained about the ‘crows feet’ I had developed...As if this wasn’t normal for a woman in her 30’s who has been to 3 different Olympics and birthed a child. It’s safe to say I’m familiar with stress. I slipped into a dark purple, sheath dress and velvet, black pumps. My esthetics team did an incredible job hiding my dark circles and tired skin, making me almost look youthful. Gabe, an investor in my brand met me at the Fashion Show. After the show, i thanked the girls who wore my clothing and exchanged pleasantries before being pulled away to attend the Gala. 

 

Gabe took my arm and walked with me through the beautifully decorated hall full of hundreds of people. There were banquet servers waltzing around with silver trays and a musician playing a grand piano. It was all very classy, nothing that Scott would ever willingly attend. I socialized with many people whom I did not know. It was strange, only three people out of the many who had talked to me mentioned skating or the Olympics. I was slowly becoming irrelevant or re-branded as Tessa the fashion designer. This is what I wanted right, to learn how to cope without skating? To distance myself from the thing that made my dreams come true, the unattainable dream of skating with Scott until the end of time. My heart hurt when I thought about Pyeongchang. I was so naive to think that I could have a baby, take time off the ice and then just return like nothing had happened. Like I didn’t have bills to pay, or mouths to feed. I felt a burning anger thinking about how Scott gets to stay in the sport and he’s not even making use of his talents. He’s coaching juniors when he could be coaching Canada’s future Olympic champions. It’s like he’s given up completely. We have been working 20 years to accomplish all our goals and now that we have, it’s like he’s done trying. It’s like he’s just going through the motions but never really present. He’s changed. Old Scott used to be so emotional and energetic, fueled by a challenge. He was my biggest fan and would do anything for me. To see me laugh. Now that I think about it I can’t remember the last time i’ve laughed without forcing it. I can’t remember the last time Scott got mad or passionate. We have both fallen flat. Sometimes I wonder if he is happy. Sometimes I think about leaving him, running away from the life we have built. Letting him find happiness with someone he deserves, someone he isn’t stuck with because I got knocked up...But I always go back. I tell myself it’s because of Patrick but I am much more selfish than that, it is because I can’t imagine my life without him. I have become comfortable even in my misery. I never thought it was possible to depend on someone else so entirely.

 

Gabe shook me out of my thoughts by placing his hand low on my back, pressing his fingers into the cloth of my dress when someone standing in front of me asked me a question. I blinked hard clearing my vision. It was Gabriella Papadakis wearing a beautiful black dress with her hair falling down her back in neat curls.

“I’m sorry?” I asked, forcing a smile to my face. Of course, another reminder.

“I thought I might see you here.” She said. “You look wonderful.”

“Oh, Merci beaucoup.” I said, trying out my french.

“Toujours un plaisir de vous voir. How is Scott?” Gabi asked, Gabe shifting his weight beside me.

“He’s good, he unfortunately couldn’t make it tonight. He had to stay home with our son.” I forced the sort-of lie.

“Pity. It looks like you’re in great company.” Gabi smiled at Gabe, who was indeed very handsome.

“Certainly. What brings you to the Gala?”

“I have always been very interested in fashion.” She looked me up and down. “Tessa you look incredibly thin.” She said. I know she was worried but I hated that she said anything.

“I have lost a lot of muscle...since I’ve stopped skating.” I looked at Gabe to rescue me from the conversation, but unlike Scott, he can’t read my expression. 

“You quit? Why? Marie-France would love to have you. She won’t shut up about you.” Gabi touched my arm.

“I have decided to move on with my life.” I said trying to convince myself, heart aching.

“That is a shame. J'espère que vous trouverez ce que vous avez toujours eu.” Gabi said, I didn’t quite catch the french part. 

“Good-bye Tessa.” Gabi said. “It was a pleasure Gabriel.”

“Good-bye Gabi.” I said.

“Adieu belle, Gabi.” Gabe kissed her hand.

 

My conversation with Gabi wasn’t a bad one at all, in fact it was quite nice. I just felt guilty; I couldn’t decide if it was because I was in the company of another man or if it was because Gabi reminded me of what I missed most. Gabe led me around the party snaking his hand around my waist. It felt wrong, so wrong. He was a lovely companion but I had my love and son at home, probably now asleep. I never realized how much I missed them until I was with strange people in a strange room. I turned to Gabe before he could introduce me to another person. I wanted to leave.

“Could you please take me back to my...uh...chambre?” I asked.

“I’d be honored.” He said, draping his too large dinner jacket over my shoulders.

 

We walked in silence for a while down the streets of downtown Montreal, my hotel only being a five minute walk from where the Gala was held. Gabe was being a perfect gentleman but nothing felt quite okay with the situation. Offering for me to take his arm, draping his coat over my shoulders for warmth, asking me to dance- placing his oversized hand in mine. I felt like I was being unfaithful to Scott. I also worried that I had been giving Gabe mixed signals but he knew perfectly well that I have a family back home, I had been talking about them all night. I also felt guilty because this type of intimate contact was something I have been craving for so long, something Scott stopped doing since Patrick was born. We were a few blocks away from my hotel when Gabe decided to try out my french, in more ways than one.

“Je te veux.” he said, it took me too long to figure this statement out and before I knew it his lips were crashing down on mine. I let them sit there for a minute, deciding what kind of human I wanted to be. My mind couldn’t let me have this one, I wanted what was familiar. I pulled back shoving him away from me with every bit of force in my body.

“What the fuck Gabe?” I said feeling betrayed.

“You have been coming on to me all night.” He said, in a growl.

“No i haven’t! I have a partner!” I said feeling hurt.

“Really Tessa? Then why are you here with me and not at home with him?” He said, I felt my face growing hot. I stumbled over my word, he was right.

“I came for the fashion show, for my work.” I hated this.

“It didn’t take long to convince you. You practically ran to me only moments after I asked you to come.” He looked hurt.

“I...I-” I felt tears streak my face.

“What do you want?” He said.

“I don’t know.” I pulled off his blaser and threw it at him. “But it’s not you.”

 

I turned on my heel and practically ran back to the hotel, risking spraining my ankle. As soon as I got to my room I flopped down on my bed letting myself fall apart. I did this. I destroyed my family. I pulled my knees to my chest and sobbed into my pillow until I fell asleep. Scott was the only man I have ever loved.

  
  


February 2022- London- Scott

 

I was flopped down on the couch watching curling, waiting for figure skating to come on the TV. Patrick was playing with plastic dinosaurs on the floor in front of me. We had come back from playing with his friend Colton, which hadn’t been so fun for Patrick after all. Patrick had his skating lesson earlier and when Alma, my mom, dropped a miserable kid back off to me at the skate shop I was confused. Patrick was in full tantrum mode because he didn’t want to leave the ice and Carol forced him to after his hour was up. The teen girls had a practise and she worried that he’d get hurt with them learning spins. I tried to calm him down but honestly I couldn’t blame my kid for loving skating. When I tried to distract him from skating by taking him to play with Colton it made matters worse. Patrick had been horrendously mean to Colton and he even went so far as to throw sand at him, resulting in Jessica ending their play date short with a snide comment,  _ When Tessa gets home tell her to call me. _ I looked down at my son, knowing i would need to correct his behaviour..I just wasn’t sure how. I had already got mad at him on the way home from the park.

 

“When is uncle Pat?” Patrick asked.

“Tomorrow.” I responded.

“But now!” he demanded.

“No Patty, now is the ice dancers. It’s the mommy and daddy skating.” I said.

“Mommy.” Patrick said, looking beyond me.

“I know, I miss her too.” I said, but Patrick pointed. I turned around and standing in the doorway was Tessa holding her suitcase. Her face distressed.

“Hey T, I wasn’t expecting you home until tomorrow. I was going to clean the kitchen...I swear.”  laughed nervously, unsure why she looked so horrified. Did someone die?

“I don’t care about the kitchen.” Tessa ran around the couch and plopped herself down on my lap wrapping her arms around me. This was strange, but I wasn’t going to stop it. She ran her fingers through my hair breathing me in, her lips found mine and hot like a fever she kissed me. She hasn’t been this passionate about anything in years.

 

Tessa pulled away from my lips, sliding off my lap to nessle herself into my chest as we watched the Olympic Ice dancers compete the team event in Beijing. For a moment I wondered if she came home to watch the Olympics with me, knowing it was painful not being there. Not competing with our team Canada family. But I knew better, I could read Tessa like a book and from the minute she came through the door something was wrong….I was just too scared to address it, in fact i was scared to move..worried I would wake up from a dream.

“Hey Scott..” Tessa whispered, glancing at Patrick asleep on the recliner.  

“Yes?” I felt myself become rigid. This was the calm before the storm.

“Something happened in Montreal I think you should know about. I want you to know because I don’t want to keep anything from you.” Tessa squirmed uncomfortably against me.

“Okay?” I was worried. She was leaving me.

“Please don’t be mad.” She was definitely leaving me.

“Tessa, please don’t...” My voice was shaky.

“Scott…” She pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes. “Gabe tried to kiss me.” 

“Oh..Did it mean something to you?” I asked, calm on the exterior, dying inside.

“No, of course not.” She said, hurt in her voice. “I swear it didn’t mean anything. I pulled away.”

“Is he the reason you keep leaving us?” The hurt in her eyes was opaque. I couldn’t just keep cool anymore. I didn’t even get a chance to make it right. I placed my hand on Tessa’s thigh and moved her away from me.

“No, Scott!” Tessa stood up when I did. I walked away from her kicking the coffee table as I passed, a family photo smashing on the floor. Patrick woke up.

“Daddy?” Patrick looked up at me.

“Patty, go to your room!” I yelled, Patrick did as I told him to without hesitation. He knew things were about to get very real, very fast.

“I’ve felt it for a while now.” I said, the tears falling from my eyes.

“Felt what? Why don’t you believe me?” Tessa tried to grab my arm but I pulled away.

“You don’t love me Tessa. I have been trying so damn fucking hard to make you love me and I keep falling short. I have been completely in love with you since I was a kid and all I have ever wanted in life..all I have ever lived for was to be your partner. To make you smile. When I found out you were pregnant with Patrick I felt like the luckiest man alive, knowing I’d always have a little piece of you. That was selfish of me. I guess I have always known that you didn’t love me. I tried to trap you Tessa, and for that...for that I am sorry.” I finished my rant, my voice was hoarse with tears. Tessa was gasping for air as she sobbed.

“Scott, please.” She choked out.

“No.” I said. “I’m not forcing you to be here anymore Tessa, I guess that’s a testament to my love for you. I will ask you to stay but I won't blame you for leaving. I haven’t been the perfect partner, I know that, but I never thought that I could make you so unhappy that you’d find comfort in another man’s arms.” I turned my back to her and started to walk towards Patrick’s room. I had to apologize.

“Will you listen to me?” Tessa wasn’t finished. “You are so wrong!”

I turned to face her, she was mad.

“You don’t think I love you? I am telling this to you because I do love you! I’m being honest with you because I value our relationship. I didn’t kiss Gabe, he kissed me and I hated it because he isn’t you! I haven’t been happy, Scott. I have been fucking miserable! A complete mess! I even contemplated leaving you but I miss you so damn much. I miss skating with you, working out with you, dancing with you. I have been resenting you because I see you coming home from the rink, something we have always done together...but I’m scared. I’m scared that if we continue spending every minute of every day together and then coming home together, sleeping in the same bed together...that eventually you’ll get sick of me. It has been physically painful to watch you fall back in love with skating without me, for our son to share that bond with you. I feel so left behind. If I had it my way, if i wasn’t so terrified that you’d resent me, I’d be training Canada’s future Olympian’s with you. Instead I have been working for years to create this space where I feel like I’m contributing and putting food on the table but this isn’t me. I don’t know who I am anymore but I do know that I love you.” Tessa’s words shook. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I said, letting it soak in.

“Because I didn’t want you to feel guilty about doing something you love. And I see what Carol pays you...there is no way we can both coach and feed our son.” Tessa has calmed down.

“Tess...I have had hundreds of parents who want me to coach their kids...I just know how often we were away from our families when we competed and I couldn’t do that to you. I had no idea you wanted to be on the ice. You always denied it. Had I known I would have agreed to take Ilderton Arena off Carol’s hands. You know, she’s getting old now and wants to retire but I told her I couldn’t buy it from her because you didn’t want this.” I was so confused.

“Is it too late?” Tessa asked.

“I don’t know, it’s a fixer upper. It needs new equipment in the fitness room and an electrician to come in…” I made excuses, so completely baffled.

“I miss you, Scott.” Tessa moved through the space between us. “All I have ever wanted was to be next to you.”

“Me too.” I said, pulling her in to me, synchronizing our breathing. 

“Will you forgive me?” Tessa sniffled, looking about 20 years old.

“You have to promise me one thing.” I said looking, rubbing small circles in her back.

“Okay?”

“Promise me you’ll never leave me. You keep me alive.” My tears fell onto her shoulder.

“I promise.” Tessa breathed into the skin on my neck, “I’d even marry you to document it.”

“Typical Tessa, being logical and getting my promise on paper.” I chuckled.

“And Scott…?” Tessa said through my shoulder.

“Hmm?” 

“I think we need to go back and see a counselor, if we are going to be business partners.”She said.

“Oh fuck, not this business partner’s shit again.” I joked, Tessa kissed my neck.

 

After we finished our embrace I went to Patrick’s room to apologize for yelling at him while Tessa got on the phone with Carol. I carried a Patrick and his giant Yellow teddy down the stairs to meet Tessa in the kitchen, who was still chatting to Carol on the phone.  _ Yes. Yes. Okay. thank-you. Oh, absolutely. Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye. _ Tessa sandwiched Patrick between herself and me as we celebrated our new project. Owning Ilderton Skate Club. We had dinner together as a family, happier than we have been in a very long time. Patrick, an energizer bunny danced around the kitchen being silly with Tessa while I watched and sang along to the music. Once Patrick was in bed and asleep, Tessa and I reintroduced our love and celebrated, just the two of us.

  
  


Ilderton - August 2027- Tessa

 

“Come on Naomi, you need to watch your blade going into that lift!” I called from center ice.

 

Since Scott and I have announced our return to the ice as a competitive coaching team, Ilderton Skate Club has been booming with business. We bought the club from Carol in 2022 and by 2024 we managed to refurbish the entire building. We redid the studio above the rink that Carol had always used for storage and put in proper dance floors, a barre and gym equipment needed for competitive athletes. Scott let me have creative liberty so everything looks quite modern and that in itself has drawn in new clients. Our marriage counselor thought it would be healthy if we have separate offices, so if we need space, we have that option. Therefore Scott redid Carol’s old arena office into his man cave and I kept my office at the house. Our relationship has been healthier than ever. 

 

As Patrick has grown up we have come to the conclusion that he possesses enough of Scott’s personality to be a replicate. We have been having a bit of difficulty with him lately because he’s 9 years old and completely annoying. I’ll be coaching and he has a way of flashing his beautiful smile and emerald green eyes at the girls, distracting them from their task. Scott has tried to deter him from being around the rink after school but we can’t keep him away, he is completely in love with the sport and is actually very good at it. This frustrates me to no end because he knows he’s good and now wants to dance with the girls, which distracts them even more. Every year all the skating clubs in Western Ontario unite for a big season opening Gala. This year we are holding the Gala in our rink. It gives the kids in competitive skating a chance to show off their talent before the competition season. It also allows scouts from different skate clubs to watch the competitors and offer talented kids a spot in their elite programs. ‘Ilderton Skate Club’ has transitioned in 2024 to an elite academy from a recreational club. I felt a little bad creating a more exclusive environment but our enrollment was more than we could handle so now we participate in the Gala each year to invite a few new students to our competitive program. Scott and I only hope that Patrick will be scouted by some wonderful club in a different city so he can leave our students alone (Only sort of joking). We hired a few new coaches to our team to work with individual and pairs skaters as there has been a boom in up and coming figure skaters. Scott and I have three international teams we are working with but the most promising is a twenty year old girl from Quebec named Naomi and her twenty four year old partner from Manitoba named Dean. Naomi is absolutely stunning. She has caramel skin with sharp chin length black hair and dark eyes. She is the exact frame that I had always dreamed I would magically morph to. She is slim and aerodynamic, a force to be reckoned with. Dean is a little more subtle, doing his job but not quite standing out. He has pale skin, blonde floppy hair and is built. He originally came to us as a pairs skater but couldn’t seem to get off the ice but excelled in the actual pairs work. They had gotten bronze in the Olympics last year and now they were hungry for gold in 3 years. The other two teams who looked promising were still juniors so although they had competing internationally and nationally, they had to work hard to qualify for the Olympics.

 

“What on earth did you just make me watch?” I shook my head as Dean put Naomi down on the ice, sliding towards the boards on her knees.

“Sorry” Naomi was panting, “It was my fault.”

“Is something wrong? You’ve been fighting this lift a lot today.” I was concerned about her, she didn’t look a day over 14.

“My hip feels tight, I can’t quite rotate it going in.” Naomi looks to Dean trying to reassure him with a smile.

“Take off your skates and head upstairs. I want you to see a physiotherapist, competition is in a few weeks, we can’t risk injury.” I said to her.

“If I only do it a few more times…” Naomi said under her breath.

“No way! Safety first, Naomi!” Scott called from the boards. She obeyed by skating off the ice, walking past Scott sulking.

“I’m taking Justin and Kiera’s skates to my uncle’s shop, I’ll be back before Mackenzie’s private.” Scott called across the ice to me.

“Okay, are you taking your kid with you? I highly suggest you do!” I responded, Dean smirking next to me.

“Nope!” He exclaimed.

“Where is Patty? He hasn’t been trying to flirt with Naomi today.” I asked, now aware that Patrick wasn’t around.

“Alma took him for the day, I had to practically beg her. He was upstairs trying to incorporate himself into Sarah’s short dance choreography.” Scott rolled his eyes.

“He is his father’s son! I remember you pulling the same tactics when you were 9!” I laughed brushing him away with a flick of my hand, turning back to Dean.

“Okay, now would be a good time to practise getting lower into your lunge for the dance sequence.”

 

…

 

Scott-

 

I walked into my uncle’s shop carrying a duffle bag full of skates. My uncle Paul had been in the middle of sharpening a pair of hockey skates so rather than bothering him I just put Kiera and Justin’s skates on the counter. I looked at the blade of Kiera’s skate and could recognize right away that she wasn’t using her center properly. I made a mental note of this. Paul finished up in the back and came around the counter to take a look at what I brought him. We chatted together happily as he examined the blades next to me. The bell above the door jingled and we both looked up. A woman walked through the door, tripped over the mat, and used a rack to catch her balance sending three pairs of skates crashing to the floor. She rushed to pick up the skates, smiling up at us awkwardly, apologizing repeatedly. Behind her was a tiny little girl with red hair and brown eyes that were large and expressive. Her dark eyelashes casted shadows on her embarrassed red, freckled cheeks. The woman grabbed the timid girls hand and walked to the counter. I knew right off the bat that this girl and her mom were polar opposites. The tell tale sign that this was in fact the woman’s daughter was that they had the exact same face. They both had big eyes, the same nose and the same mouth. The woman though, had dark blonde hair and blue eyes that contrasted with her daughters. The child seemed shy and collected while her mother seemed outgoing and eccentric.

 

“Hi there! Welcome to the Moir’s skate shop. I don’t believe I’ve seen you around before.” Paul smiled politely.

“Hello!” The lady reached over the counter to shake our hands. “We just moved here from Vancouver.”

“Welcome!” Paul greeted. “What made you choose London?”

“I moved here for my job actually.” The woman smiled.

“Isn’t that nice! What do you do for a living….uh..-”

“Emma.” The lady finished for him, “I’m opening up a skate shop down the road.”

My uncle Paul and I just looked at eachother, not realizing she was joking until she started laughing.

“I’m kidding! I’m teaching at the University of Western Ontario.” Emma said. We both howled with laughter. She got us good!

“You’re a funny one!” My uncle smiled at her, Emma’s daughter shrunk down even further.

“I do what I can.”

“What brings you into my shop?” My uncle asks.

“My daughter used to skate back at home and we realized when unpacking boxes that we must have left her skates behind. She has been begging me to get back on the ice so we are here to get her fitted into a new pair.” Emma smiled down at her daughter.

“You came to the right place!” Paul said. “What did she wear before? What level of skating does she do?”

“Sweety why don’t you tell Mr. Moir about your skates?” Emma looked down at her daughter.

“I wore Edea boots.” She said in a tiny voice.

“That’s a very nice pair of skates for growing feet.” I said looking at the young child then to Paul who looked amazed, “How old are you?”

“I’m nine.” The girl looked up at me with her big, puppy dog eyes. Tessa would adore her.

“Can you tell me a bit about your skating?” I asked while sitting her down on a bench to be fitted into a boot.

“I used to skate three days a week at home. I just got my Biellmann spin but that was before we moved here.” The girl said sadly.

“Wow, that is quite impressive for such a young girl.” I said.

“I watched you on tv.” The little girl said making me smile.

“Maybe one day I’ll watch you on tv, too.” I smiled up at her mom who looked lovingly at her daughter.

“You will! I’m going to go to the Olympics one day.” The little girl beamed.

“What’s your name?” I asked the girl.

“Meryt. Meryt Alder.” The girl said with a streak of confidence that seemed almost out of place in her shy, doll-like body.

“Well Meryt, if you are looking for a place to skate we are hosting a Gala at our rink in Ilderton this weekend and we’d love to see you out on the ice. You never know, you may just be scouted to join a skate club. If you’re going to the Olympics you’ll have to get back on the ice.” I said to the girl, glancing at Emma to make sure she was hearing me.

“We’ll be there!” Emma said.

  
  


Ilderton- August 2027- Tessa

 

I feel like we’ve been living at the rink this week setting up for the Gala but it’s finally showtime. We have the weekend structured so we have various elimination rounds on the saturday and the skaters who move on to Sunday will perform a peice. We had an overwhelming amount of skaters out this year so Kate sat at the sign in table registering skaters with numbers, this way when a skater gets eliminated we will just call his or her number and they can exit the ice. This also gives us an opportunity to see how certain kids do under pressure. Scott, Sarah, Tom, and I stood at the boards talking to the 13 different coaches who sat with clipboards in the stands near-by. They collaborate and decided on a list of things they’d like us to see from the skaters starting for lowest difficulty to highest difficulty. The first group of kids warmed up on the ice and Scott had already started making notes from watching their warm-up. We asked them to start by doing a few dancing steps and then progressed to different deep edged positions. Once Tessa felt satisfied that we had called the incapable skaters we started asking for spins and hops. Finally we narrowed it down to 10 skaters, asking them to leave the ice. We continued this process with 2 more groups until we had 30 skaters. We called all 30 skaters onto the ice and divided them into two groups, seniors and juniors. The seniors were the skaters who were older than 13 and the juniors were younger. Scott, the big softy decided it wasn’t fare to ask the young kids to do salchows and combinations. We decided to get through the junior’s first. Amongst the junior’s was of course, Patrick. He looked little next to the four other girls who were just under 13. Then sticking out like a sore thumb was this tiny little girl in a yellow skating dress who could barely see over the boards. Her red hair was in two french braids down her back and her chubby cheeks were pink from the cold. I almost felt bad for her, how did she manage to squeeze through to the final round? Was it because she was so small we missed her? I worried about the young girl getting eaten alive so I started out really simple. She skated flawlessly, natural talent. Everything I asked her to do, she did well. My mouth actually dropped open when the tiny little bean child executed a very well rotated Biellmann spin with her leg extended almost straight behind her head. 

“Scott who is that tiny child?” I asked. He looked down at his clipboard.

“Her name is Meryt Alder.” he said.

“Which club is she from?” I whispered back as Sarah got the kids to try jumps.

“She isn’t. I met her mom in the skate shop. They just moved here from Vancouver, I suggested she come try out but I wasn’t expecting this at all! No wonder this kid was wearing $300 boots.” Scott said. We heard Sarah call Meryt’s number and looked up to see what had happened. She tried a toe jump and didn’t quite rotate, landing on the ice.

“Wait! Meryt can you come over here please.” Scott said before leaning back into me.

“What are you thinking?” I asked him as I watched Patrick perform a sloppy Luxe.

“I’m thinking I’m going to try partnering her up with Patty.” Scott said quickly. The girl stood in front of him, batting her heavy eyelashes up at him.

“Hi Meryt, you did really well today.” I said kneeling down to meet the girls height.

“Thank-you.” The girl smiled, “But I didn’t make the jump.”

“I could never get off the ice either.” Scott joined me at the girls height.

“How would you like to come to the rink tomorrow before the Gala performances for a try at ice dancing?” Scott asked.

“I don’t have a partner.” Meryt looked worried.

“Well you see, we have a boy who needs a partner and you are the perfect age and height.” I said, glancing at Patrick who had been called off the ice by Tom. He went and plunked himself down on Naomi’s lap without asking her first. She didn’t seem too annoyed.

“I’d love to….Oh, I uh...I have to ask my mom first.” Meryt looked in the stands at her mother.

“Don’t worry, we will talk to your mom. You go take off your skates, okay?” Scott said.

“Okay, thank-you Mr. and Mrs. Moir.” Meryt said before skating towards the change rooms.

 

Scott continued to watch the senior group while I made my way into the stands. The mothers were all gossiping and getting way too involved in their children’s sport. They all tried to get my attention as I walked up the stands, i just smiled and waved until I got to the one lady I wanted to speak to. The women sitting alone with a cat blanket draped over her lap and a file folder filled with papers in her arms. She had a red pen jammed between her teeth, scowling at a paper she did not seem to enjoy. I sat in the seat next to her and all the other mothers turned, not even trying to be discrete.

“Hello.” I said. The lady let the red pen drop from her mouth, she looked quite awkward.

“Oh wow! You’re Tessa Virtue, I watched you in the 2010 Olympics...and the 2014...and 2018.” The woman laughed awkwardly. “How’s your day so far.”

“Great, thank-you. It’s Emma, right?” I asked her, feeling flattered.

“It is.” Emma looked around, wondering why I was talking to her.

“Emma, your daughter Meryt is a beautiful skater.” I started. “Scott and I were very impressed with her musicality, she skates with maturity.”

“Wow, that’s a wonderful compliment.” Emma said with pride.

“I was wondering if you might consider allowing Meryt to come train with Scott and I for ice dancing. I thought she might make a nice partner for my son, Patrick. He is also 9. I have invited her to try partnering with Patrick tomorrow before the Gala at 10am, she was so sweet to remind me that i’d need to ask her mother first.” I said, hopeful. Emma wasn’t a typical ice mom.

“Well I suppose if that is what Meryt wants... Thank-you Tessa, for giving my daughter this opportunity.” Emma shook my hand. The other mothers burned holes into the side of her head. I liked Emma.

“We’ll see you both tomorrow at 10.” I smiled and walked past all the mothers back towards the rink.

  
  


Ilderton- August 2027- Scott

 

It was a long day yesterday, we didn’t get home until nearly 9pm. Patrick loved being at the gala chatting the entire car ride home about the girls he hung out with. He has always had a massive crush on Naomi but when his domain was filled with young skaters, most of whom were female….he did not remain loyal. We were all exhausted slumped down on the couch eating take-out, tomorrow was another early morning and I didn’t feel like cooking. Tessa sat cuddled into my side, chewing her food, thinking. I knew she was thinking about something because her forehead was creased into a frown, staring at the wall.

 

“Hey Patrick?” Tessa broke the silence. “What did you think about that little girl? The one in the junior’s group?”

“Megan? She’s pretty cute. She looked nice in her blue dress.” Patrick said casually, he is so much like me it’s insane.

“No, Meryt?” Tess asked.

“Who?” Patrick scrunched up his nose, “I don’t think I met a Mary.”

“No sweety, Meryt- Mare- it.” Tessa enunciated for him “She was the young girl with the red hair and yellow dress.”

“Oh.” Patrick shrugged his shoulder but a blush rose to his cheeks, “She’s kind of small.”

“It’s funny you might say that Patty, people grow.” I teased. He chuckled.

“She’s not much smaller than you.” Tessa encouraged.

“Yeah, i guess not.” Patrick considered this.

“Your dad and I have asked Meryt to come to the rink at 10 tomorrow to have a quick private with you before the gala starts up again. We were thinking she’d make a nice fit for a skating partner.” Tessa said gently.

“But I want to skate with Naomi.” Patrick said, his face falling.

“Buddy, Naomi skates with Dean.” I reminded Patrick.

“But Naomi said that she and Dean weren’t a couple, they just skate together.” Patrick looked hopeful.

“I hate to break it to you kiddo, but your mom and I used to say the same thing...How on earth do you think you got here? By mum and I ‘just skating together’?” I said with humour.

“Scott!” Tessa gasped, smacking my arm. “Patrick, Naomi is an adult you can’t date her.”

“Uggh! Why are you guys so mean?” Patrick crossed his arms and marched off to his room.

“Set your alarm for 7 Patty, Kiera and Justin have ice time from 8 to 10.” Tessa called behind her son.

 

I pulled Tessa into my arms breathing her in now that it was just the two of us. “Skating partner.” I chuckled into the soft skin of her neck. She inhaled deeply running her hands over my biceps. I kissed her deeply, running my hands through her soft hair, down her arms and back up the side of her sweater, feeling her hot, porcelain skin on her hips as I dragged the pads of my fingers along her torso. She responded to my touch with a light chuckle and a ravenous look in her eyes. She stood up, grabbed my hand and pulled me up from the couch. I followed her into our bedroom. Heck, I’d follow this women anywhere blinded by her beauty and intense gaze. 

 

…

Tessa-

 

Scott and I stood next to each other leaning against the boards, watching Kiera and Justin’s twizzle sequence. Scott glanced over at me and I gave him a sheepish smile, both of us thinking about last night. Scott was right when he said Kiera wasn’t using her center properly, she was leaning too far forward and it had become evident when she didn’t have Justin to adjust to her. It was a testament to his skating for sure. Scott skated to center ice to explain this to Kiera. I sat back and let Scott explain to the girl. Kiera was a fifteen year old girl and as incredible of a skater as she is, Scott and I have been debating dropping her from our program. She is way too unpredictable, and to be frank, entitled. She hasn’t been a team player, not accepting any responsibility for her mistakes. This has been a huge block in her training and her mother condones it. Kiera's mother is the typical dance/skating mom. She thinks her daughter is the best and doesn’t mind expressing her opinions to anyone who will listen. I watched as Kiera became defensive, flicking her bleached blonde hair over her shoulder and crossing her arms. This is usually the part where Scott grows angry or Kiera marches off the ice.

“Stop being so stubborn, just shift your weight back. That is all i’m asking!” Scott said.

“I’m not the problem!” Kiera snarled.

“You are making Justin work harder than he need to because you’re cutting corners. Get it together Kiera! You don’t see Naomi fighting me on ever little correction and where was she last year? The Olympics.” Scott went there.

“Seriously Scott? I don’t need to take this. I’m leaving.” Kiera started skating towards the gap in the boards beside me.

“If you walk off this ice you’re done!” Scott yelled, angry.

“You can’t replace me!” She snapped.

“Dare me to.” Scott growled low. Kiera pulled her shoulders back and walked off the ice, tossing her hair in my direction as she passed me.

“Tessa, go get Mackenzie and tell her to lace up.” Scott was serious. 

 

I slipped my guards on and walked to the changerooms where some of the girls were already doing makeup for the gala. Mackenzie, a very keen fourteen year old girl who transitioned with us as a young girl from recreation to elite was without a partner. She was our first choice to replace Kiera because she was a really good little actress that is excitable enough to accept any challenge. Mackenzie was sitting at the mirrors with another young pair’s skater, curling her hair. Mackenzie is of chinese background so her own long, black hair was already falling straight. 

 

“Hey Kenz,” I got the girls attention. I noticed that Kiera was in the corner of the room on the phone to her mother.

“Hi, ms. Tessa.” Mackenzie smiled, straightening out her purple coat.

“Could you please lace up and be on the ice in 5?” I asked, not giving much detail.

“Of course...But isn’t this Kiera and Justin’s block?” She was already pulling on her skates.

“It was but as you can see Kiera isn’t on the ice and Justin needs a partner.” I said, turning on my heel. Never be entitled, positions need to be earned. 

 

I went to skate center ice with Scott and almost immediately Mackenzie came to join us. She was smiling so big, it was a refreshing change. We got right to work with Kenzie and Justin, not once did either one of the skaters interrupt our explanations of corrections. It didn’t take long at all for Justin to adjust to Kenzie. She didn’t quite have Kiera’s lines or looks but she was determined and she was worth her weight in gold. Mackenzie and Justin cooled out by skating around the boards chatting happily about school and whatever else kids are interested in these days. Patrick had already laced up and was skating circles around his dad when Meryt showed up at the ice. Her wild red hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail and she was wearing a black turtleneck sweater and purple leggings, her brand new skates as white as snow. Her mother stood on the other side of the boards carrying her jacket and guards, awkwardly waving with her hands full. Meryt didn’t wait to be invited on to the ice, she skated to where the three of us were standing stopping right next to me and extended her hand out to Patrick, who shook it looking down at the ice in a blush.

“Hi.” She said nervously.

“Hi.” Patrick responded, hardly audible.

 

Scott gave the kids simple direction, and progressed the intensity of the steps as they went along. Not once did Patrick act silly, speak up, or talk when he was given a direction. I linked my arm through Scott’s as we watched the kids repeat the sequence that we demonstrated for them. Meryt concentrated, focusing on every edge and arm movement. Patrick mirrored her demeanor, glancing at his new partner every few seconds to make sure she’s still present. I felt my heart grow in my chest and my eyes well with tears when Meryt got away from Patrick and he caught her, pulling her back into line. It wasn’t something I had instructed Patrick to do, he just did it, Kind of how Scott understands and reads me without having to speak words. They were connected. I squeezed Scott’s arm and looked up at him to find that he had already been looking down at me with a loving intensity.

“I feel it too.” I said softly.

“They are like us.” He smiled, pulling me into his side.

“I’ve never seen Patrick so focused, so willing.” I said, unable to comprehend the change in my son.

“I know how he’s feeling. It means everything to him to be able to hold that little girl’s hand.” Scott whispered.

“It means everything to me too, I think I wanted to marry you the second I started skating with you at only 7 years old.” I said, feeling Scott slide his arm from my waist to my hand.

“Do you think you might still want to marry that boy? He’s a bit late to the game.” Scott squeezed my hand.

“I’ve been waiting for that boy to ask me for 30 years, what’s more time.” I chuckled. Scott looked at me and I was sure he was going to ask me but Patrick and Meryt chose that moment to come to meet us in the center.

“How’d it feel?” Scott asked the kids.

“It felt great.” Patty looked to Meryt for reassurance. 

“Yeah, I thought we did well together.” Meryt squeaked, in a shy hyperaware voice.

“Meryt would you be interested in joining a training program where you and Patrick compete together?” Scott asked the small girl who was tugging at her ponytail to tighten it. She then glanced off the ice at her mother conscious of what was in her control.

“Should we unlace our skates and chat with your mother?” I asked, knowing this was Meryt’s concern.

“Yes, please. Thank-you Mr. and Mrs. Moir.”Scott and I looked at each other trying not to gush at her cuteness.

 

We all went off the ice and unlaced our skates, moving to Scott’s office into the warmth. Emma sat in a chair on the other side of the desk, Scott and I across from her. I have to be the first to admit that Scott’s office was very intimidating. He had various different trophies and medals displayed in a case on the wall and portraits of him and I at the three Olympic games. There were even a few portraits of our elite students at their own competitions. Next to Scott’s oak desk was a whiteboard that had notes and training schedules as well as a calendar which looked very full. The most personal thing in his office was one single portrait on the corner of his desk of him, myself and Patrick sitting outside our newly refurbished arena. It was one of my favourite pictures of the three of us. Patrick and Meryt stayed silence sitting on the floor against the wall as the grown ups began discussing.

“I’ll start by saying Thank-you for coming out on such short notice, we were very pleased with Patrick and Meryt today.” I said pleasantly.

“I was very impressed with my daughter. She has never skated with a boy before.” Emma said, Meryt turning scarlett. Us adults all chuckled at the discomfort obvious in the kids.

“She picks up on choreography very quickly and applies her corrections.” Scott said. “Tessa and I would love to work with your daughter, Emma.”

“Wow! That is an incredible compliment.” Emma fished through her purse pulling out a notepad. “What does this training entail?”

“For starts, we’d like to work with the kids 3 days a week on the ice and then once a week in the studio where they’ll do some dance and barre work.” Scott said, writing down his own notes.

“Scott and I travel quite a bit for competitions so when we aren’t in town they’ll work with the rest of our team who are very competent skaters and choreographers.” I added.

“Will they have time for school? Education is very important.” Emma said, us seeing a more collected side of her.

“They will only be skating 3 hours per week for now with the 2 hours of studio time, i know it’s a lot but it’s fully manageable. We did it when we were young. If they choose to continue and progress to national and international competition they will have longer days. At this point a lot of our students choose to continue their studies through a home school or distant education program.” Scott said.

“Education is very important, I’d like to reassure you by saying that we have a really great education program for our full-time skaters. We used the same program as young athletes and I have 2 degrees so college isn’t out of the picture.” I smiled.

“Hmm, okay. What do you think about all this Mer?” Emma turned to her daughter. I adore how she consults in her daughter about everything and gives her a choice to voice her opinion. 

“I love skating mom. I don’t care where I go to school. I already had to leave my school, this is the first time since moving here that I have felt okay. I want to be Patrick’s skating partner.” This was the first time where we saw any kind of raw emotion from Meryt.

“How much is this going to cost me?” Emma said, her eyes worried.

“We can work out a payment plan, I also think it would be a good idea to have Meryt attend sponsorship gala’s.” Scott said, sliding a piece of paper across the table. Emma’s eyes filled with tears at looking at the price. She then looked over at her daughter.

“Oh god, I don’t think I can swing this. I mean, a year ago maybe but...oh Meryt, I’m so so sorry.” Emma now had tears running down her cheeks and Meryt looked as though someone ripped her heart out. Meryt stood up and ran out of the office, Patrick rushing after her.

“Oh Scott, we can’t let Meryt go.” I said, feeling my own emotions rush to the surface.

“Tell you what, we will sponsor Meryt until she can get her own sponsorship. We want full commitment and dedication from her, we see great potential in your daughter.” Scott said.

“I’m much too proud.” Emma sniffled.

“Please Emma, let us do this...if not for Meryt, for our son.” I said, Emma nodded.

We had to get on with our day because we had the gala to worry about. I hugged Emma and invited her out for cocktails this evening after the Gala because she didn’t really have any friends in town. I also have a Psychology degree and I knew there was more to Emma and Meryt than meets the eye, if we were about to sponsor her daughter I wanted to learn more about their family. Scott was taking the kids for dinner and back to our house for a movie night, it gave the kids an opportunity to get to know eachother better. 

 

…

  
  


The gala was fantastic, it was so much fun to be able to watch the up and coming skaters perform for scouts and parents. Scott and I have chosen two skaters we want to add to our program; a male individual skater and a male pairs skater. We made our rounds chatting to parents and thanking skaters for participating in our gala, everyone was in good spirits...all except one mom. I was chatting with one of the coaches from a club in Guelph when I glanced over at Scott, like I always seem to do. Kiera’s mom, Heather, had cornered Scott and was arguing with him. I excused myself from my conversation and approached the situation, fully aware that there were too many people around. I stepped in beside Scott and Heather had been trying to justify her daughters behaviour with words like,  _ star  _ and  _ irreplaceable _ and  _ misunderstood.  _ I wasn’t looking at Scott but I could tell he needed me to take this one so he didn’t lose his temper.

“Heather, please let me explain what is really happening here.” I spoke softly.

“What’s going on here? I know what is going on!” I glanced at Scott who was rolling his eyes.

“Kiera fights us with every correction we give her. I don’t know why she gets so defensive but she’s not letting us do our job. We have been working on a beautiful program for her and Justin for 4 months now and we have dedicated a lot of time into making sure these kids land on the podium. Today Scott gave her a correction to help her adjust her center and she wasted twenty minutes of valuable ice time fighting with him when she could have easily just fixed her mistake. This has become a safety hazard and we will not be liable for her injuries because she’s stubborn. Scott gave Kiera a choice, either she correct her center or walk off the ice like a petulant child. Kiera made her own choice. We replaced her. End of story.” I said in a steady, clear voice. Scott looked at me with pride.

“I didn’t know, Kiera told me you replaced her with no explanation.” Heather looked shell-shocked. “Please take her back.”

“No. I’m sorry, there are kids who deserve this opportunity more.” I said, grabbing Scott’s arm and walking away.

 

…

  
  
  


Emma showed up at our house right at 7pm with Meryt in tow. Emma looked quite nice, I was surprised to see she has a nice sense of style. She was wearing dark jeans with a pale purple blouse and a scarf with birds on it neatly around her neck. Meryt was looking cute as a button in her bunny pajamas. We said good-bye to the kids and Scott and headed out in my car to a local pub. Emma was surprisingly super normal, I actually worry that she won’t fit in well with the other moms because she has her own life. We slid into a booth and ordered cocktails, chatting happily. This was nice for me, I didn’t have many friends who lived in my neighbourhood. All my friends live in Michigan or Montreal, or they were constantly on the skating circuit. I can’t remember the last time I got to spend time with another female who wasn’t trying to convince me that her daughter was ‘a star’.

 

“So you work at the University?” I asked Emma.

“Yeah, I’m an Anthropologist. I worked with Aboriginal communities in Vancouver and studied their nutrition inequities. I was offered a job lecturing at the University and I was glad to take it.” Emma said.

“That is amazing work, I’m so impressed.” I said, sipping my martini.

“And here I thought I’d be the only one to gush over your accomplishments.” Emma laughed.

“Oh gosh, I think my greatest accomplishment was being Scott’s partner.” I smiled, thinking about my man.

“You two melted my heart when I was a young adult, I think your free dance in Pyeongchang was the closest thing to creating a visual of love I have ever seen. I had no doubt as a 22 year old girl that you two would get married.” Emma sighed.

“We are still not married.” I said chuckling.

“What! Why? You two are clearly very in love.”

“We just haven’t gotten around to it...we will one day! What about you Emma, are you married? I don’t believe we have met Meryt’s dad.” I asked, Emma’s face dropped and I knew I had asked the wrong question.

“That is kind of part of the reason why we moved here...I mean I could have taught at a University in B.C. but I wanted to get far away.” Emma looked into her glass.

“Is he a bad guy?” I asked nervously.

“No! He was the best man I’ve ever met. He was so kind, loving and compassionate. I couldn’t stand being in the home we shared, the neighbourhood where everyone knew our family. Everywhere I looked I saw him. I guess I’m kind of running from my past and bringing my daughter with me but I couldn’t stay in B.C. there was nothing left for me there.” Emma said, broken.

“What happened to your husband Emma?” I asked gently, scooting closer to her.

“He was a police officer, a good one at that. It was just like any other morning, we got out of bed, had our morning coffee and kissed goodbye. Little did I know it would be the last time I got to see my husband. He got a call that resulted in a high speed car chase. Someone wasn’t paying attention and didn’t pull over when his siren was on, they hit him. His vehicle spun out hitting a wall killing him instantly. Tessa, trust me when I say to cherish every moment with your family...In a split second your entire world could change. I had to tell my baby girl when she got off the school bus that she’d never see her daddy again. That she’d never have his bedtime stories, or his piggy back rides. I’d never feel his arms around me or his stubble stroke across my cheek. The day I lost my husband was the worst day of my life. Meryt had to grow up really fast this past year. She had to try to be strong when I couldn’t be. Everywhere we’d go people would pity us. Meryt skated recreationally and the ice was the only place she felt a little bit of happiness, it was the only place that was her own. It didn’t remind her of her dad.” Emma had tears falling from her eyes, delicately landing in droplets on the wood table.

“I’m so sorry Emma. For you and Meryt.” I didn’t know I was also crying until i tasted the salt of my tears on my lip.

“Meryt is an incredibly strong little girl, she’s going to make you, Scott and her dad very proud one day when she stands on that podium at the Olympics.” Emma said seriously. “She is so vast and intelligent, and she seems to totally adore Patrick. Their practise today made her so happy, I can’t thank you and Scott enough for giving my daughter something to look forward to.”

“It is our pleasure, you know, I see a lot of myself in Meryt. I couldn’t help but feeling connected to her.” I smiled through tears.

“Just hopefully it doesn’t take Meryt so long to marry.” Emma joked.

“It’s only been 30 years!” I laughed.

“Just remember Tessa, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.”

 

We drove home chatting about London and different school districts. After all that heavy stuff over cocktails we changed the conversation to something more light and cheerful. I was glad to get to know Emma on a deeper level and it gave me a whole new appreciation for the small girl and her mother. I pulled into our driveway and let us into our house, which was now silent. We walked into the dark living room and there on the floor was a huge pile of blankets and two kids who were curled up and fast asleep. Scott was lounging on the couch behind them nodding off with a bowl of half eaten ice cream balanced on his tummy. Emma gave me a quick hug and picked her sleeping child off the ground whispering her goodbyes before letting herself out. I moved the bowl of ice cream onto the side table and curled myself into Scott, fitting perfectly as his little spoon. He wrapped his arm around my waist holding me into him, kissing the back of my head. I wanted to tell him about Emma and Meryt but for now I wanted to be present with him, safe in his arms.

“Hey Scott?” I whispered.

“Hmm?” He breathed deeply against my neck.

“Will you marry me?” I asked clearly, feeling his breathing hitch.

“You can’t ask me that.” He said, now fully awake.

“Why not?” I asked. Sitting up to look at him.

“Because I was going to ask you to marry me. I..I kind of already bought a ring.” He said nervously.

“You did?”

“Yes, it’s in my lock box...I bought it when we were in Pyeongchang.” He laughed, waking Patrick from his dream.

“What? That was 9 years ago!” I kneeled over laughing. “Why didn’t you ask me?”

“Because I wanted it to be perfect...Also, I kind of forgot I had it.” Scott smirked.

“Oh Scotty.” I leaned into him, kissing him softly. His lips tasted like Vanilla.

 

Paris - May 2030- Tessa

 

We had made our way through the crowd of people after landing in Paris for the junior worlds competition. Naomi and Dean won a gold medal in ice dance in February with Mackenzie and Justin close behind in silver. It had been an amazing year so far for our skaters and our work did not go unnoticed, the entire world wanted a piece of us. It was almost as bad as after Pyeongchang where we couldn’t even get coffee without signing an autograph. I held Meryt’s hand tightly as we navigated a path to the car that had been waiting for us. Scott and Patrick weren’t far behind. Meryt looked terrified as people asked her questions in french and tried to take photos of her. Patrick and Meryt had competed nationally but this was their first international competition and Meryt was without her mother. Emma had tried her best to come to all of Meryt’s competitions but she had work obligations and couldn’t make it to her first junior worlds. This caused a lot of distress for the 13 year old girl. She was fine travelling a few hours by plane with Scott and I, even staying with some of her other team mates in a hotel, but now we were across the Atlantic Ocean in a strange country and for almost a whole week. Meryt gripped my hand harder carrying her jacket in front of her like a shield. Once we finally made it to the car I made sure she was safely inside before loading our luggage into the trunk. Eventually Scott and Patrick made it to the car, Patrick smiling wide, waving to the people who were taking snapshots of him and his dad. His ego would allow him to think everyone was here for him. The boys climbed into the car, Scott in the front giving the driver an address in French while I sat in the back with a kid on either side of me. Patrick has gotten very comfortable with the lifestyle of an elite athlete travelling with us most places. He was now doing a distant education program so he wasn’t worried about missing school. During the Olympics we left him at home with Alma and boy was he mad. He was so angry that he had to miss out but he also had to be responsible and continue his training on home ice. We also couldn’t have a kid with us while working, we had to devote all our time to Naomi, Dean, Justin and Mackenzie. I glanced over at Meryt sitting beside me, she was looking out the window fighting the sleep that was weighing heavy on her eyelids.

 

We got to our hotel and unloaded the luggage out of our trunk, there was a lot of it. Scott checked us into our 2 seperate rooms and we slowly moved as a team of sleep deprived zombies to the rooms on the fourth floor. Scott and Patrick took the first room and us girls took the second one that was nearly identical. Although I have known Meryt for 3 years now and worked closely with her nearly everyday there was still something very reserved about her, she wouldn’t open up to us. Scott and I know almost everything about this kid from talking to Emma but she very rarely shares information willingly. If I hadn’t developed a friendship with her mother I would never know that her father had been killed. It was the year after she started training with us that I found her inside the studio, silently going through her barre routine during school hours. I asked her why she wasn’t at school and if her mom knew. She just nodded that her mom knew and continued her fondue. I went into Scott’s office to call Emma when I had remembered why Scott had been out of the rink that day, he had gone to Patrick’s class for a Father’s day picnic that was held by all the 4th grade teachers. I wondered if this was the reason why Meryt didn’t show up for school. I held the phone in my hand contemplating whether or not to call Emma, deciding that she too would probably be having a difficult day. Meryt walked into the office behind me and watched as I placed the phone on the receiver. She confirmed my suspicion when she wiped tears from her cheek, saying nothing. I didn’t ask her any questions or prompt her to talk. I just grabbed my car keys and drove her to a nearby restaurant where I ordered us both ice cream sundaes. We didn’t talk about her dad at all, we simply discussed the costume we were designing for her first competition. Sometimes you can have an entirely different conversation and still hear the person’s true words loud and clear. This was how Meryt tended to cope.

 

We were settling into our room unpacking our cases, and sorting through the several different garment bags with costumes for Meryt’s warm up, short dance and free dance. I knew the girl was desperate for sleep but wouldn’t do so without being given permission, so I told her to nap while I helped the boys unpack. Meryt slipped into the sheets of one of the queen beds and I went across the hall to where Scott and Patrick were staying. It was no surprise when I opened the door and the two boys were fast asleep with there bags untouched on the floor. Scott was laying on his back, his lips parted ever so slightly with Patrick on his side, nestled into Scott’s arm just like he did ten years ago. I felt overwhelmed with warmth looking at the two most important people in my life. I silently unpacked the boys cases, making sure to hang Patrick’s costume so it wouldn’t crease funny. Once I was done and the boys were still asleep, I decided to slip back across the hall to make sure Meryt was alright. I couldn’t help but feel my stomach pool with a sort of protective, maternal, care for the girl when I saw her sleeping so delicately between the white bedding. Her face was so gentle and doll-like relaxed in sleep. Her eyelashes fanned across her pale cheek and her red, curly hair was wildly making patterns across her pillow. She was so still and vulnerable. Her tiny chest rose and fell rhythmically. Every which way that I looked at Meryt, I felt like I was looking at myself. From her well thought out answers to her collected demeanor, to her innocent smile and self-deprecating tendencies; If I hadn’t known better I would have thought I that some greater power put this girl in my life to guide her. To give her the mentor I so badly needed when I was her age. Sure Marina was a remarkable coach but all too often I needed someone to be compassionate and kind, someone to talk to about girl things who wasn’t Scott or my mother. Someone who I could discuss my deepest darkest insecurities with. I wanted to be that person for Meryt, just like Scott got to be that person for Patrick. Something that no matter how much I loved it, couldn’t help but feel left out. I thought about this as I closed my eyes, drifting to sleep.

 

I woke up to a silent hotel room, I looked at the clock and I had been asleep for only half an hour. Even still, I felt quite refreshed. I sat up rubbing my eyes, clearing the sleep away from my vision. Meryt wasn’t in her bed. I looked around the small hotel room and the tiny girl wasn’t anywhere in sight, I wondered for half a second if she went across the hall with Scott and Patty but then I dismissed that prediction when I heard her weeping on the other side of the bathroom door. I climbed off the bed and went to the door, leaning my ear against it.

 

“Meryt?” I said in a gentle voice.

“Go away.” Meryt said between tears, I’ve never heard so much outrage from the small, collected child.

“Sweety, what’s wrong?” I asked, trying to stay calm.

“I..I..please ms. Tessa. I’m ill.” Meryt said, sobbing.

“I need you to open this door.” I said, with enough force in my voice that would demand obedience.

“You can’t come in here.” Meryt was becoming more erratic and panicked by the minute.

“I’m going to count to three.” I was terrified, she was already such an anxious child but I felt the need to respond to the situation like I would if it were my own child. She opened the door.

 

Meryt was sitting in the corner of the bathroom with her knees tucked into her chest. Her pants were in the sink soaking in a pool of hot, pink water and she had placed a pile of towels underneath her once blue underwear. My face softened immediately seeing the thirteen year old girl in so much distress. She hid her face in her knees and wrapped her arms around her legs, trying to curl into a tiny ball so she could disappear.

“Oh honey.” I said, sitting on the floor beside her. “You got your period.”

“I..I want to call my mom.” Meryt sniffled.

“It’s the middle of the night at home.” I felt pain for the girl.

“Please.” She started crying harder. I took out my phone and dialed Emma. It rang for a while but eventually she picked up. I put her on speaker phone so Meryt could hear her mother.

“Tessa?” Emma croaked, “Is everything okay? Is Meryt okay? Is that her crying?”

“Emma don’t panic, Meryt has gotten her period and she’s pretty upset about it.” I said.

“Oh.” Emma went silent for a second. “Mer, can you hear me alright?”

“Y..yes.” Meryt shook.

“Good. I’m sorry you are so upset, I feel like such an awful mother because I couldn’t be with you in your time of need. When a girl grows up her body prepares itself for womanhood by shedding the uterine wall of her vagina. This is a hormonal response triggered by the endocrine system that gives an outward sign of fertility. Menstruation is healthy and very normal for females. The average age a girl goes through Menarche, the initial bleed, between nine years old and sixteen years old and can be triggered by growth, hormonal or environmental factors. Your period should last between 4-7 days but just like humans, every menstruation is different. There will always be variation. Menstruation requires a lot of hormonal fluctuations and a huge energy expenditure, so you may experience fatigue, pain, mood swings and cravings; these are all very healthy and biologically normal responses. Do you have any questions?” Emma explained like she was lecturing a hall of anthropology students. She informed Meryt without making it a big deal. I looked at Meryt and she had stopped crying but here eyes where the size of a moon.

“Oh. Umm..” Meryt said into the phone.

“What?” Emma said, clearly up to something. “Oh no, I haven’t gone over concealment or the locus of health in relation to the psychological experience of a young, impressionable mind during the onset of Menarche.” 

“Uhm, thanks mom...but I think I’ll let ms. Tessa help me with that one.” Meryt shook her head in disbelief. Meryt handed me the phone and I took it off speaker phone. I held up a finger to Meryt who was shell shocked still on the floor letting her know that I would slip out for only a minute. I closed the bathroom door behind me and walked until I was out of ear shot before speaking.

“Emma...What the fuck was that?” I said confused, even I couldn’t follow the point of her information she had recited... like it was directly off a lecture slide.

“I know how Meryt’s mind works.” Emma said in a cheerful voice. “She internalizes every little last detail of everything, something she got from her father. When she gets upset about something the only way of calming her down is by providing her with enough logical information to satisfy her worries and then comfort and reassure her that everything will be okay.”

“Wow, that is completely brilliant!” I said shocked, it had actually worked.

“How do you think I managed to pull her through after her dad died, I recited information from a psychology blog on the stages of grief. Once she was distracted enough, clinging on to every piece of information, that she’s stop hyperventilating; then I would cuddle her and let her know I was there. It works!” Emma said casually. “The girl has a mind that works a mile a minute, it’s creative and brilliant but sometimes that can be her undoing.” 

“Thank-you Emma. I will make sure she’s okay. We’ll call you later.” I said.

“Thank-you for being with her through this. I am so indebted to you.” Emma said sweetly.

“Goodnight.” I said. Emma was an amazing, strong woman.

“Goodnight.”

 

I walked back into the bathroom and Meryt hadn’t moved. She looked like she had been thinking about the chapter of information her mom spewed into her mind. I kneeled down on the floor and handed her a few pads and a new change of clothes then standing back up to clean up the mess. I left the bathroom and explained through the door in the best, matter of fact voice, how to use the female hygiene products. Once Meryt was satisfied with her instructions I gave her a few minutes and waited until she let herself out of the bathroom. I didn’t pity her or make her feel vulnerable, what good would that do? I just provided her with a safe place for information. I sat on the edge of my bed and just like pavlov’s dog, she came to sit next to me, wrapping her arms around my neck ready for the comfort part. Emma had conditioned her daughter into calming down during crisis by listening, processing, rationalizing and then accepting through connection. It was an incredible skill to be taught at such a young age. I lifted Meryt onto my lap and stroked her hair as she leaned into my shoulder, accepting that I would provide her with safety when her mother wasn’t present. It was a touching moment for me. 

“Thank-you.” Meryt whispered into my shoulder.

“Do you have anymore questions? I know I’m not your mom but I’m here for you and I care about you as though you are my own daughter.” I said gently.

“I do, actually.” Meryt said in a small voice.

“What would you like to know?” I kept a supportive arm around her shoulder, looking into her dark brown eyes, still red from tears and exhaustion.

“How can you tell if a boy likes you?” She asked. It was hard to detach this pre-teen from the little girl in a yellow dress who was only 9 when I met her. Her question caught me by surprise.

“Oh, umm.. He will want to be near you a lot, and he’ll try to make you laugh. He might blush a little bit when you’re around...and because boys are confusing sometimes they may even tease you if they have a crush on you.” I said, trying to remember back to when I was 13 years old.

“Patrick is near me a lot, but then again he has to be. We’re skating partners. He’s really funny, he does make me laugh but he makes everyone laugh. Sometimes Patrick blushes but that’s usually if he makes a mistake, not because he’s holding my hand. He does tease me a little bit but he’s also very careful not to hurt my feelings.” Meryt questioned, I could see her calculating things in her mind. “Do you think Patrick likes me?”

“I’m not sure. I do know that Patrick adores you as a person and a best friend and that he is very protective over you. He values your relationship a lot, he’d do anything to keep from tarnishing it. Did you know that coach Scott and I loved each other for 20 years and didn’t get together until right at the end of our competitive skating careers? It took us a little longer than it should have for us to realize that we wanted to be together romantically but we had always pushed our feelings aside because the Olympics were our only goal, everything else could wait. We didn’t want to risk ruining our unique relationship by exploring those feelings. Some things are worth waiting for.” I said.

“So, you don’t think I should date Patrick?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t advise it.” I said softly, “Not right now anyways, how about an agreement?”

“What kind of agreement?” Meryt asked.

“No dating Patrick until you’ve had your Olympic moment, if things get tricky or you feel like you may want to act on temptations, talk to me and I will help you through the confusion. I’m on your side Mer, you can always talk to me. ” I said to the mini-me.

“It won't be weird because you’re his mom?” She asked.

“Is it weird right now?” I asked.

“No.”

“Then it won't be weird.” I reassured her.

“Okay, I agree to your clause.” Meryt said with a smile.

“Great, now let's go wake up the boys so we can go to dinner. I’m starving”

 

Canton - October 2002- Tessa

 

Living in Canton is something I can’t seem to get used to. Being away from my mom is terrifying and sometimes it seems like my only lifeline is Scott, and he’s been moody as heck. I don’t have a ton of friends here and although my homestay family is nice, they are an older couple who don’t have any kids...so they aren’t the most relatable people. I can’t help but notice how much Scott is changing under the training of Marina. He’s gotten quite a bit taller and he’s gained a lot of muscle, now able to do lifts that are more difficult. His voice has gotten deeper and his hands stronger, sometimes I can’t help but to just stare at him. It’s not that I haven’t appreciated Scott’s attractiveness before, I have had a crush on him since I was 7 years old, but this was different. Scott wasn’t cute anymore, he was something else...something more masculine and grown up. I knew the word but I was afraid to say it because it might open a door I wasn’t ready to walk through. I lay awake in my unfamiliar room and wonder what it would be like to feel grown up feelings for someone, just taking a peek through the keyhole without actually opening the door. I placed my hand on my tummy under my covers, closing my eyes. Okay, so Scott has touched my tummy before. It’s nothing new. Sometimes he puts his entire arm around my waist, do I feel tingly ever? No, i decide. Because i’m usually concentrating on the next move. I then move my hand to the bony part of my hip. Scott touches me here too, this is where his hand sits during a number of our dance steps. Sometimes I feel my heart race, but not enough for it to feel grown up. I run my hand down my thigh. This is a new place for Scott, he has to grab my thigh to lift me in a few of our new advanced movements. At first I couldn’t stop giggling because It felt very real and sensitive. I’ve gotten used to it though. I moved my hand one last time to a place hadn’t ventured before, a place that felt very grown up, a place that Scott hadn’t touched before, would I want him to? I think so. Staying there for a minute I think about how it would make my tummy feel if he were to be romantic enough with me to intentionally touch me here. I felt my phone vibrate on my side table and pulled my hand away from that intimate spot so quickly that I scared myself. It was Scott calling. Oh. My. God. Did he know what I was thinking about? I felt panicked but I picked up the phone anyways.

“Hello?” I felt my face turn beet red, good thing he couldn’t see me.

“Hey Tess, what are you doing?” He asked.

“I’m in bed.” I said without going further into detail.

“Already?” He questioned.

“We have practise early, did you need something?” I felt my voice become defensive and clipped from my embarrassment.

“I kinda wanted to ask your opinion on something.” He said.

“Oh, okay.” It felt nice that he could trust my opinion.

“So I went to the movies tonight with Jessica, Hannah and Charlie. Jessica was really flirty and she asked me to hold her hand during the scary parts. After the movie when Charlie’s mom came to pick us up Jessica kissed me goodbye.” Scott explained.

“Oh.” I felt my heart break in my chest. “Why do you need my advice?”

“Should I ask her to be my girlfriend?” He asked.

“I don’t know Scott, do you like her?” I felt tears well in my eyes, he couldn’t know I was upset.

“I think so. I don't know. I never really thought about it until now.” He said.

“Well obviously you do. You kissed her.”

“She kissed me.”

“Whatever Scott, it still happened.” I said, regretting my tone as soon as I started speaking.

“Are you mad at me Tess?” He asked.

“No, I’m just tired.” I lied. “I don’t really care who you date, it doesn’t concern me.” 

“Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up...I just kind of needed you.” He said. I let the tears fall from my eyes, he always knew exactly how to pierce my heart. 

“I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to make it sound like I thought your dilemma was insignificant.” I said honestly.

“It’s okay T, I should let you go.” He said.

“Well, are you going to date her?” I asked.

“Yeah, i think so. I mean I wasn’t going to if it bothered you but clearly it doesn’t...so yeah.” Scott sounded sad. My head felt so much pressure from holding in all the words I wanted to say.

“Oh.” Was all I could get out. I wasn’t brave

“Night T. I’ll see you at the rink.” Scott said, hanging up before I could change my mind.

 

I rolled over feeling the tears burst out from inside of me. I vowed right then and there that all romantic feelings that may creep up for Scott would have to be suppressed until after I was prepared to risk it all, after the Olympics. Because right now I feel so broken  and hardly anything had happened. This is how I’d build my wall. Brick by brick, uncomfortable feeling by uncomfortable feeling. If it was meant to be, it could wait.

 

Ilderton - June 2033- Scott

 

After making me wait 36 years today is the day I am finally going to marry my soulmate. It seems like our entire community came together to make this day come true. My father’s best friend is letting us use his beautiful farm as a venue. Tessa’s family decorated the rustic old red barn with lights and lanterns patterned across the ceiling and table settings that had yellow roses and daisies in a bouquet around mason jars filled with little fairy lights that looked like fireflies. Our families did an amazing job and everywhere I looked I could see Tessa’s style and creativity coming through. She, being the amazing mind that she is managed to bring together equal parts rustic farm life and equal parts classic beauty that so perfectly sums up both of us, like yin and yang. It was not long before people were to arrive and I was in Mr.Garry’s old farm house putting on my black jeans and white button up shirt. Tessa and I decided to try and make things a little more casual as it seemed almost a little silly to go all out after we’ve already been together for so long. Over my white shirt I wore a dark grey vest with a little yellow rose cluster thing clipped to my pocket. Tessa wanted me to wear a bowtie so that’s yellow too. (I guess she chose yellow to be our colour?) Patrick, now sixteen walked into the room wearing pretty much the exact same thing but he got to wear a yellow and grey tie instead. I teased him that it matched his nursery. Patrick had grown up very well, he was taller than me at nearly 6ft and had his mother’s eyes and dark hair, although he still looked a lot like me in bone structure. Patrick (The chan variety) came into the room shortly after Patrick making some silly dad joke, (Wow, am I going to have to go change? Who knew we’d come wearing the same thing.) Patty just rolled his eyes, in a grumpy mood. I was dying to see Tessa in her dress, I know i’ve seen her at her best more times than I could count, but i feel like this was going to be different.

 

“Patty, did you go see mum?” I asked him. Pouring my groomsmen champagne.

“Yeah,” He shrugged, “She was trying to tame Meryt’s hair.”

“How did she look?” I asked.

“Beautiful! She always has looked good in yellow, especially the buttercup yellow.” Patty said.

“No...I mean your mother.” I shook my head, “You tool, hopelessly in love.”

“You know, he calls you that but he used to slip up all the time about Tessa, You are your father’s son Patty.” Charlie clamped my son on the back. 

“It doesn’t matter anyways.” Patrick pouted, “Mer has a boyfriend.”

“Does she?” I asked, actually feeling worried for my kid.

“Yeah she’s been spending a lot of time with Will, they went to the movies last night.” He snarled.

“Will, from the rink?” I asked him sipping my champagne.

“Yup.” Patty finished his...who cares if he’s only 16.

“He’s got nothing on you! The kid can’t even twizzle.” I joked, Patrick’s glare darkened.

“Forget it.” He said.

“Honestly though Pat, don’t worry about Will. He’s pretty dull, Meryt’s a smart girl, she’ll lose interest. Also, here is a little known fun fact...She’s crazy about you.” Dean said, leaning against the window sill, carrying a diaper bag.

“Little known fact eh? I think everyone at the rink can see it except for you.” Tom chuckled.

“Seriously?” Patty asked.

“Yeah kid! You’re oblivious.” Tom, the individual’s coach said. “Even Will knows.”

“Okay, okay.” I said taking Patty’s third glass away from him, “Let’s not rile him up, his mother would be pissed if he did something stupid on her special day.”

Patrick scoffed.

“So anyways, how did your mom look?” I pushed.

“She looked like mom...I don’t know. Good i guess.”

 

…

 

It was showtime and I was standing at the altar waiting for my bride. Beside me was my best man Patrick Chan who kept me updated on the score of the Leafs game. Beside him, my son Patrick, who was probably the most youthful and attractive of all the men on the altar. Then came Danny, Charlie, Dean and Tom. I already felt so full of life looking at the people who had come out for our wedding day. Finally the music started playing, and everyone took their seats. Tessa’s friend Kaitlyn came down the isle smiling nervously, her blonde hair up in a bun. She went to stand at the other side of the altar; then came Dean’s wife and skating Partner Naomi. She was carrying her 4 month old son Kade in her arms, he was in the tiniest little suit I’ve ever seen. After her came Sarah, our pairs coach; she had very high heels on trying to make her tiny 5’2 body appear taller. Emma, Meryt’s mom and Tessa’s best friend came down in her yellow dress, her chin length hair waved and styled. I knew who was next so I looked over at Patrick whose jaw dropped when he saw his skating partner. Meryt was wearing the same yellow dress as all the other bridesmaids but for Patty it was different. The flowy material blew against her in the wind making her look like a celtic goddess. Her wild, curly, red hair was weaved into a complex braid down her back and laced with daisies. Patrick couldn’t seem to stand still, uncomfortably shifting his weight. Jordan, Tessa’s sister came down next giving her nephew sympathetic looks as his entire face was now beet red. She then winked at me, joining the other girls. Everyone stood up and the music changed. Tessa  walked down the aisle and the sight of her made my stomach flip. She was wearing a long, simple, cream coloured, silk dress that flowed effortlessly around her body. Her hair was straight and cascaded down her shoulders like a waterfall. Across her forehead she wore a flower crown with small yellow and white flowers. There was something about the way creases were forming beside her eyes and the way her delicate skin freckled in the late spring sun. The way her dark hair contrasts with her gorgeous green eyes and her thick eyelashes cast shadows on her rosy cheeks. Tessa Virtue is the most incredibly beautiful woman I have ever met. It’s not just skin deep either. With every step she takes closer to me the more I remember. The way she has always held my hand. The words of encouragement. Her honesty and motivation. Constantly trying to better herself. The way she didn’t bat an eye when her baby weight didn’t come off right away. The way she moves her body against mine, always predicting my next action. She is my soulmate. Tessa comes to stand across from me at the altar and the look on her face is one I know is only reserved for me.

 

“Scotty, are you crying?” Tessa places her delicate hand on my cheek. I was in fact crying.

 

We exchanged vows, reading the traditional ones because writing our own is cheesy and there is too much to say, too much we don’t want to share. I slip her ring on her finger and she reciprocates. For a moment it’s just us. Then everyone erupts with cheers and I pull her close kissing her like I’ve done since 2016. There is something about marrying the woman you were meant to be with that changes everything. I would have been comfortable continuing living and getting caught up in life’s whirlwind forever with her, I don’t need to prove or validate anything. I owe it to her to celebrate what we have been working at for decades. I look at Tessa who is looking at me and smile, giving her a small wink.

 

…

 

The celebrations continue and everyone gets a healthy buzz going as we listen to toasts and eat food. Chiddy tries to get line dancing going and Charlie and Danny are more than happy to oblige. The fantastic thing about our wedding is that everyone seems to be genuinely enjoying themselves, no expectations. I even allowed my athletes to indulge, which they fully take advantage of. Tessa was in deep conversation with Naomi about breastfeeding and Jordan was showing Tom how to make a spoon stick to her nose. I didn’t see my son at all or his skating partner. Patty was in a pretty bad mood earlier today so I decided to take a walk to find him. I walked away from the lantern lit party into the darkness, the sound of Hall and Oates got quieter and the sound of crickets louder. I walked up the dirt path towards the farmhouse we got ready in. I was surprised to see Emma sitting on a bench on the wrap around porch, away from the party. She was looking out into the darkness towards a large pond. I approached and she gave me a weak smile.

“May I sit?” I asked. She was sipping red wine.

“Of course.” She scooted over so I could join her.

“What are you doing out here?” I ask and she placed her finger to her lip to quiet me down. She pointed across the pond where there was just one single lantern illuminating a grassy area. Meryt was sitting in the grass and beside her was my son. They were shoulder to shoulder but just talking.

“Look at them.” Emma whispered.

“What do you think they’re talking about?” I asked.

“Hopefully not skating.” Emma smirked, “It’s about time they were honest with each other.”

“I actually understand the fear, they’re terrified of ruining the partnership they have been working on since they were 9 years old. It doesn’t mean that they don’t know they love each other, they know...they’re negotiating for their dream.” I said.

“I can’t help but see the other side of it.” Emma gulped down her wine, “You always think you have more time, then suddenly you are haunted by all the words you never got to say.”

“Oh Emma, I never realized how difficult an event like this must be for you.” I felt my heart tug for her.

“I don’t mind. It makes me feel closer to him.” She smiled.

 

We watched in silence as Patrick took Meryt’s hand in his and raised it to his lips. They were sixteen and in love, they didn’t need words to know. I am basically an alumni in this department. It’s the way her eyebrows raise when he talks, the way he scrunches up his nose when she laughs, the way she is completely herself around him, the way he always has to be touching her. I know. Emma gasps a little when finally they connect. Across the pond in the golden hugh Patrick raises Meryt to her feet and kisses her. I almost feel like we should look away. I gave Emma a high five and then pulled her up to her feet, walking with her back to the party, leaving the kids to figure out their hormone fuelled emotions. Tessa was on the dance floor with Kaitlyn doing what I would call a drunken twizzle. Emma tilted her head towards her to say ‘get going’ and I didn’t argue. I ran over to my wife enveloping her in a hug. She squealed and kissed me on the nose. We danced around to classic rock songs and Tessa even decided she was going to re-do Justin and Mackenzie’s choreography to the song ‘Cotton Eye Joe’ They just laughed, hoping she wouldn’t remember on Monday. Meryt decided to show herself, joining Mackenzie in her new choreography. She looked like a new girl. Her skin was glowing and her wild hair had fallen-or rather been pulled- from her braid. Patrick came in next to me smiling like an idiot, god he was like me, he wore his emotions on his sleeve.

“So you kissed her, eh?” I raised my eyebrows.

“What?” He said, blushing.

“Dad’s know stuff.” I smirked.

“But...We...I…” I could tell by his face that kissing isn’t it.

“Oh Patty! You didn’t.” I was kind of proud.

“I wore a condom.” He said under his breath.

“Shit son!” I gave him a hug. “Don’t tell your mother, she’s fiercely protective over that girl.”

“I would never do anything to hurt her.” He looked shocked.

“I know, Patty.” I said looking at him cautiously. Tessa and I are very honest with him but some things can’t be taught, they have to be experienced. “Meryt is like your mother, she processes things differently. Make sure you communicate with her.”

“Dad, I know. I love Meryt.” He sighed, “She has to listen, process, rationalize and then accept it through connection. We already did all that. I explained that I wanted to be with her, she heard me out. She then talked about all the reasons why it would and wouldn’t be a good idea. She talked to herself mostly...then i kissed her...and other stuff.”

“Just don’t break her heart, okay?” I said firmly.

“I wouldn’t be so stupid as to make the same mistake you did. Meryt decided that she wants to wait until after we win gold to have the relationship talk.” Patrick smiled sadly, I drew him into a hug. 

“Are you alright with that?” I searched my son’s face.

“I think so. You waiting for mom and everything worked out alright. I can be patient.” Patty said, he was a Moir through and through.

  
  


Vancouver - February 2036 -Tessa

 

I pulled my Canada parka closer to my body, tucking my hands under my armpits to keep warm in the cool, dry arena. The stadium was roaring with patriotic fans from all over the world. This was the 2036 Olympics and Scott and I were waiting behind the boards with our skating team. Patrick, was now 18 years old and has grown into a remarkable person and committed athlete. He stood in a quiet corner embracing his partner Meryt. Meryt was wearing an emerald green costume that contrasted beautifully with her thick, red ocean of hair that was currently pinned into a bun at the nape of her neck. Patrick and Meryt breathed together as one with their eyes closed, becoming in tune. Scott enveloped me in his arms from behind as I watched the two kids inherit our old meditation method commonly known as ‘the hug’. I felt so nervous for our son and his partner. Meryt had been hungry for gold since day one and no matter how many times that girl internalized things or doubted herself, she never forgot her dream. I saw a lot of myself in that girl and I knew that if she didn’t walk out of this stadium with a medal, she’d never forgive herself. Once the ice dancers separated Scott gave them a pep-talk while I adjusted Patrick’s bowtie. It was time. The announcer said through the speakers, ‘ _ Representing Canada, Meryt Alder and Patrick Moir.’  _ And the two kids who have grown up before our eyes skated hand in hand to center ice where they took their starting pose, back to back.

 

The song ‘Pull You Through’ By Maggie Rose silenced the arena and I held tight onto Scott’s hand as our students began to create a story.

 

“ When I'm feeling blue

And no light is shining through

Darling you, yeah, you pull me through”

 

Meryt and Patrick skated in a circle, narrowing in on each other. She gracefully fell back into Patrick’s arms, him using his edges perfectly as he pulls her around. Just as Scott taught him.

 

“When I've been sinking low

Drowning in the undertow

Yeah it's true that darling you, yeah, you pull me through”

 

The team looks as one, twizzling in unisense, Patrick looking at Meryt with complete admiration. Adding an extra stoke to her cheek or nuzzle into her hair between moves.

 

“So long loneliness

No nothing is wrong with a little tenderness

I need you, I need you, no, I'm afraid to confess

Yes it's true, it's only you”

 

The crowd was enraptured by our students movements, a story they were telling that Scott and I wrote. They went into their first lift and I let a small gasp escape my lips as they executed it flawlessly. I looked to the judges and they were completely drawn in.

 

“When I need a friend

Without even knowing you came

And you showed me a love without an end

Yeah it's true, uh, darling you, yeah, you pull me through”

 

I felt my pulse quicken when Scott squeezed my hand. He drew in a sharp breath that pulled my eyes away from Patrick and Meryt to look at him. He was crying, completely touched. I reached up, wiping a tear from his cheek. The light caught on the diamond on my left hand, giving me a friendly reminder how completely lucky I am.

  
  


“Oooooo oooooo oooo ooooooo oo

Wanna shower me with your river of love

I believe you make me wanna sing

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah”

 

Patrick went low into a spread eagle, taking Meryt’s hand pulling her up to stand on his lap, adopting another one of our signature moves, the goose. Meryt dramatically arched back with her arms cast behind her. I remember the feeling all too well. It was like flying. I always felt completely weightless with Scott. He was my best friend, my partner, my confidante, my husband, my everything. We’ve been partners for 39 years now, and like a fine wine, we’ve grown together beautifully.

 

“When we say goodnight

I'll be waiting on the other side for you

Mmmhmmm, like you always do

I'll pull you through”

 

Patrick and Meryt took their ending pose which was Meryt sitting on Patrick’s knee as he held her close in a low squat. She had tears running down her freckled cheeks and he whispered to her between his teeth, words of a bond too deep to understand. The music cut and they both stood up, laughing and crying at the same time. Just on the other side of the boards I was being pulled into Scott’s strong arms, we also were laughing and crying. They did it! Their performance was so passionate and fluid. The entire stadium was exploding with cheers but the only sound I could hear was the rythmic thumping of Scott’s heart as he held me into his chest. I love him so much. Patrick and Meryt come off their Olympic stage and Scott and I bear hug them. We sat in the kiss and cry and Patrick rubbed small circles into Meryt’s back as she stared nervously at the scoreboard. Everything in front of me was dejavu from Pyeongchang. Meryt sitting eloquently even though you can tell she’s about to burst at the seams. Patrick being present, stealing glances at his partner, knowing he’s won already. The voice boomed through the arena announcing that they had won gold. My son, Patrick Moir, was an Olympic champion. Patrick collapsed on the bench beside Meryt and drew her into his arms. Meryt sobbed into his chest as he planted kisses on the top of her head. I looked from beside Meryt to Scott who was on the opposite end of the bench, he was looking back at me.

 

“No matter what we’re together, and no matter what I love you.”

 


End file.
